Kuhner Complained The Judge Wasn’t Even Watching Him Spin
Well, the first results are in from The Birther Olympics!!! Dianna, “The Dianna” Cotter won the prestigious Gold Medal in Synchronized Spinning. This event requires the participants to all provide spin on the same story, in this case, the failure of the Main Stream Press to pay any positive attention to Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Cold Case Posse reports.
Jeffrey Kuhner, of the Washington Times, came in third, winning the Bronze Medal, for his spinning routine. Kuhner imitated Linda Blair from the movie, The Exorcist, and blew chunks of green material over the judges, while gracefully pirouetting to the tune of The Windmills Of Your Mind. The spews were expertly time to fall on the accented notes of the melody. Kuhner was dressed in a nightgown covered with newsprint. While some judges found the whole thing somewhat off-putting, others praised Kuhner for his non-verbalized dramatic interpretation of the Main Stream Press. As they say, sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.
Coming in second was journalist Diana West, who produced a minimalist 4 minute non-stop whine cum primal scream, “Bwaaaaa the pwess dint report duh forgerieeeee.” West suffered a severe case of the vapors, and had to be administered oxygen after her performance. Thankfully, she is reported to be in good enough condition to accept her medal in person. Critics have compared her performance to Thornton Wilder’s Our Town, for its stark simplicity and powerful message. West wore white, and the background screen was black, and one could almost envisage Ingmar Bergman peering down the camera lens and framing each shot.
However, these brave efforts were not enough to keep Cotter from totally dominating the event. Harking back to her Pravda days, she dressed like a babushka with a scarf made from the “Don’t Tread On Me!!!” Gadsen flag. Cotter then performed her screeds in Russian, while galloping back and forth across the stage with the Russian folk song, Meadowlands, playing in the background. The fact that no one understood what she was saying only served to enhance the dramatic effect. Her own feet were always in perfect time with the hoof beats in the music. Cotter’s natural stridency, gait, and fierce demeanor were perfectly complimented by this musical selection. All in all, she was magnificent!!!
Reporting from beautiful downtown Laguna Niguel, this is:
Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter
Note 1. The Image is Balinese Weavers, by the famous French artiste, Metier ‘a Teaser.
Note 2: For the background stories, see:
Dianna “The Dianna” Cotter: http://birtherthinktank.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/the-dianna-spins-or-girlfriend-is-the-whirling-dervish/
Diana West: http://birtherthinktank.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/diana-west-lapping-up-the-cold-case-posse-kool-aid/
Jeffrey Kuhner: http://birtherthinktank.wordpress.com/2012/03/28/brer-kuhner-says-take-my-scoop-please/
Note 3. The Music. For those unfamiliar with the music, here are youtube videos of each:
The Windmills of Your Mind:
Meadowlands:
