Tag Archives: Paige

Apuzzo Resurfaces In Vermont!!! (Or, The Un-Champ Monster)

When Uncas Heard A Big Snake Was Coming To Town, He Mistakenly Went Down To Lake Champlain

Well, unable to make any headway in the bigger states, Mario “The Mangler” Apuzzo, Esq. decided to resurface in poor little Vermont. For those of you who do not know where Vermont is, it is one of the light blue spaces on the Monopoly Board row as Baltic and Mediterranean Avenues, but before you get to Jail. Apuzzo has been rather quiet since losing his last case in New Jersey.

I hear Vermont is nice this time of year. It even has its very own lake monster, Champ.  Here is an excerpt from The Burlington Free Press:

The losing candidate in last month’s Republican U.S. Senate primary has filed a 40-page lawsuit claiming President Barack Obama is ineligible to seek the White House and demanding his name be removed from Vermont’s election ballot.

PDF: Brooke Paige’s complaint

PDF: Attachments to the complaint

The lawsuit, filed by Washington, Vt., resident H. Brooke Paige, names Obama, the state of Vermont and Secretary of State James Condos as defendants. Condos, a Democrat, is named because he is the state’s top election official.

Paige’s lawsuit indicates that it was prepared by Mario Apuzzo, a Jamesburg, N.J., lawyer who has filed a similar action in that state.

Apuzzo, however, is not licensed to practice law in Vermont. Paige said he was unable to enlist a Vermont lawyer to represent his claims, so he plans to represent himself when the case is argued in court and have Apuzzo there as an advisor.

Burlington Free Press Article -Former GOP Senate candidate sues to get Obama off Vermont ballot over birth eligibility?

Having never won a Birther case, it is a pretty good bet Apuzzo will lose this one, too. He is kind of like a counterpoint to Lake Champlain’s “Champ” monster.  Apuzzo is the “Un-Champ.”

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is from a really cool “Champ“, the American Loch Ness Monster,  page, where you also find this:

Reports of the monster start showing up in newspapers around 1873. According to a story in the New York Times, a railroad work crew was laying track near Dresden, New York, when they saw the head of an “enormous serpent” emerge from the water. After a moment of paralyzing shock, the workmen ran away. The creature, in turn, swam away. Witnesses reported that the animal had bright, silver-like scales that glistened in the sun. The article said, “The appearance of his head was round and flat, with a hood spreading out from the lower part of it like a rubber cap often worn by mariners.”

In August of that same year, a small steamship loaded with tourists, allegedly struck the creature and nearly turned over. According to newspaper accounts, the head and neck of the animal were sighted afterward about a 100 feet from the ship.

As the fame of Champ grew, showman P.T. Barnum posted a $50,000 reward for the “hide of the great Champlain serpent to add to my mammoth World’s Fair Show.”

All the reports of this era seem to picture the creature as a long serpent with an arched back and a broad, flat tail. In modern times there have also been similar reports about Champ. In 1970 the creature was reported spotted by two independent witnesses traveling on a ferry across the lake. Richard Spear, one witness, said the animal was “dark brownish-olive” in color with “the size and shape of a barrel in cross-section.” The other witness said the creature appeared to be “a large snakelike creature, swimming with its head above water, held as snakes do, with coils behind.”

http://www.unmuseum.org/champ.htm

Note 2: The Image Easter Egg. KAUSEKHOIKEH KSCHACHTEU!!! This is the best I can do to say “Holy Smoke!” in Mohican. Here is the source I used:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/48752313/Mohican-Dictionary-by-Lion-G-Miles


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