Today, in a stunning turn of events, President Obama finally coughed up his long form birth certificate!!! This is a VICTORY for the American People!!! I like to think that I, and The Birther Think Tank, have played a large part in this VICTORY. A U.S. President admitted DEFEAT in The Court of Public Opinion!!!
I have long said the REAL Birther question is not WHERE Obama was born, but WHY it has taken this long to resolve. The range of possible answers are expressed as the KISS Matrix:
1. KENYA. He is born in Kenya, or there is something embarrassing on the Long Form Birth Certificate.
2. IGNORANT. Obama is too ignorant to think of the simple answer.
3. SNOBBY. Obama thinks Americans are too stupid to believe the REAL THING!
4. SLIMY. Obama thinks it is OK to make some Americans look crazy if it gets him votes.
Well, today the Matrix has to change. I believe the long form is valid, and the “Kenya” option and the “embarrassing information” option are no longer applicable possibilities. Now, the inquiry can focus in more on Obama’s personality traits and management skills. But, ISS just sounds yucky so I have modified The KISS Matrix so that it still applies. Here is The KISS Matrix 2.0!!!
1. KIDS. Obama has a bunch of Kids for advisers, who think this is funny???
2. IGNORANT. Obama was too ignorant to think of the simple answer.
3. SNOBBY. Obama thought Americans were too stupid to believe the REAL THING!
4. SLIMY. Obama thought it was OK to make some Americans look crazy if it got him votes.
Like a famous English person named Winston Churchill said, “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”
Going forward, it is questionable whether or not the terms “Birther” or “Birtherism” even apply. But, as I wrote in the famous ”
[I]f all Birtherism was ever about was just “getting Obama”, then we should just evaporate into the dustbin of history. But I think it was always about more than just that. What we must seek to preserve, is the underlying DISTRUST OF GOVERNMENT which caused us to be Birthers in the first place. We just didn’t fall for some PICTURES on the Internet, or somebody we don’t know in Hawaii “swearing” that they had seen the “real thing.” This DISTRUST is a necessary DEFENSE MECHANISM for our country (America) to survive. There is a long tradition in this country (America) of our Presidents just lying to us like dogs!
So, there will always be a need for “Birthers” just as there is a need for a “Tea Party”, even though nobody is dressing up like Indians and dumping boxes of tea into Boston Harbor. I hope “Birthers” becomes the new term for “people who just don’t blindly accept the party line.”