Leo Donofrio, The Naked Emperor of the Birthers

Donofrio Couldn't Wait To Show Off His Custom Made Sartoria de Pazzo' Threads

Everybody is familiar with the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes, originally written by Hans Christian Andersen.  Wiki says:

A vain Emperor who cares for nothing but his appearance and attire hires two tailors who are really swindlers that promise him the finest, best suit of clothes from a fabric invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or “just hopelessly stupid”. The Emperor cannot see the cloth himself, but pretends that he can for fear of appearing unfit for his position; his ministers do the same. When the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they mime dressing him and the Emperor then marches in procession before his subjects, who play along with the pretense.

Suddenly, a child in the crowd, too young to understand the desirability of keeping up the pretense, blurts out that the Emperor is wearing nothing at all and the cry is taken up by others. The Emperor cringes, suspecting the assertion is true, but holds himself up proudly and continues the procession, deciding never to be so vain again and to take his position more seriously.

There are many similarities to Leo Donofrio’s position in the Birther community. Some might protest that he comes closer to being one of the swindling tailors than the pompous emperor. But the tailors weren’t the ones prissing down the street in their Birthday Suit, like the Emperor and Donofrio. And, the adoring crowd probably would have had no problem jeering and pointing out that the tailors were nekkid. Except perhaps in San Francisco where such things are supposedly rather commonplace.

No, I think Donofrio is in the same fix as the Emperor. He has gone out there in front of the crowd, naked as a jay bird, and figures the best approach now is to try to bluff it out.  Just like a poker player with the 2,3,4, and 5 of hearts and the 7 of clubs.  Damn that ace or 6 of hearts for not being there!!!  Like the Emperor above, Donofrio also knows that he is holding a hand full of crap, but he is just in too deep to fold.

Donofrio’s fancy threads, the ones that only the stupid and incompetent can’t appreciate; the threads that are supposed to separate the elite from those unfit for his position or “just hopelessly stupid; and the threads that will plop Donofrio I down into the history books as a Great Emperor,  are his recent 209 page Amicus Curiae Brief, tendered to the Georgia Court.  Here is a link to the Brief:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/79112841/AMICUS-BRIEF-by-Leo-Donofrio-in-Georgia-Presidential-Eligibility-Case

Sooo, we get the 200 page Amicus Curiae brief, full of unintelligible drivel.  The legal equivalent of psycho-babble. Do you know why it is 200 pages??? So that you WILL NOT read it.  You are supposed to be impressed by the weight of the paper alone.  Plus, 3/4 of it consists of photocopies of old books and old law cases. There is only about 50 pages of actual Donofrio Drivel.

Donofrio’s forte is pain and his opus is the equivalent of the old peine forte et dure where the recalcitrant were pressed to plead, or die. By page 17, most of the frail will convert to Birtherism rather read anymore of this crap.  It  has been reported, but not yet confirmed,  that several readers gagged to death as early as page 6, after reading this:

Natural Allegiance – Via Jus Soli – Was A Uniquely Christian Point Of Law
Repugnant To The First Amendment Of The United States Constitution.

The common law rule of jus soli subjection is a complex spiritual concept, which does not simply relate to birth on British soil. Despite popular belief, the common law meaning of “natural-born” is not synonymous with “native-born”. The true nomenclature of “natural-born subject” is rooted in “natural subjection” to the spiritual body of Christ, and therefore our Constitution forbids any construction of the “natural-born citizen”clause that alleges the term to be synonymous with “natural-born subject”.

OK,  that was bad. A religious and First Amendment objection to the current legal interpretations of natural born citizenship???  Funny, but I don’t recall the judges in the Wong Kim Ark case citing the Bible. Nor the judge in Lynch v. Clarke. Or the judges in Ankeny, or in Georgia, or Illinois, or Virginia. This is how we know Donofrio perceives his own nudity.  He is a lawyer, and he has crafted a theory that only the legally ignorant could swallow.

He just wants the Birthers to play along and pretend that he is wearing clothes. Maybe those people who died after reading that, might have made it, except that their system had already been immuno-compromised even earlier back on page 2, where Leo I, Emperor Magnus, Protector Of Parakeets, and The Defender of Ultima Thule solemnly pronounces:

A. According To Precedents of Statutory Construction, The 14th Amendment Has
Not Repealed Or Modified The Natural Born Citizen Clause.

One wants to Cry DUH!!!, and let slip the dogs of the Insane Asylum to track Donofrio down, and tree him until the men with the butterfly nets arrive.  Perhaps while they are waiting,  Donofrio and the dogs can all howl at the moon together, for entertainment. Didn’t the judges in Wong Kim Ark state that the 14th Amendment actually  AFFIRMED the law of natural born citizenship and enshrined it in the U.S. Constitution. Well, unless I miss my guess, the Birthers will pretend those words aren’t there.

Of course we also get the good old Leo Donofrio Minor v. Happersett argument where the words “For the purposes of this case it is not necessary to solve these doubts” (about whether or not children born in the United States to aliens were citizens) transmogrify through the Arcane Art of Grammatical Misconstruction into the polar opposite and magically solve the doubts.  There about 52 pages of exposition on these 3 main themes, and then a ton of exhibits to finish off.  Much of it consists of photocopies of old books. Some is in Latin, like this, on page 67 of 209:

Rex universis et singulis admirall’, castellan’, custodibus 7 Coke ;/Report 9 a, 77 ER p387 castrorum,

I don’t speak Latin, but I think it means somebody named Rex plans to jail either Walter Fitzpatrick or CDR Kerchner in Spain, ply them with cocaine, and then castrate them at 9:00 AM in the Emergency Room.  If I am totally wrong in my translation, then I  still bet I am no worse than Donofrio trying to translate from English.

And sooo, this is how Leo Donofrio, Naked Emperor of the Birthers, struts his stuff. Unfortunately for him, his Brief is made of the same stuff as the Emperor’s New Clothes – – – Imaginary Threads. And thus his Briefs are showing, and he is exposed.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Emperor’s New Clothes by Hans Christian Andersen. Wiki has more to say, incuding this interesting side note:

Andersen dread the tale in a German translation titled “So ist der Lauf der Welt”. In the source tale, a king is hoodwinked by weavers who claim to make a suit of clothes invisible to any man not the son of his presumed father. Andersen avoided anything risqué in his work and altered the source tale to direct the focus on courtly pride and intellectual vanity rather than adulterous paternity.

Andersen’s manuscript was at the printer’s when he was suddenly inspired to change the original climax of the tale from the emperor’s subjects admiring his invisible clothes to that of the child’s cry. Andersen’s decision to change the ending may have had its source in a childhood incident similar to that in the tale. In 1872, he recalled standing in a crowd with his mother waiting to see King Frederick VI. When the king made his appearance, Andersen cried out, “Oh, he’s nothing more than a human being!” His mother tried to silence him by crying, “Have you gone mad, child?”

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About Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

Hi!!! I am a Girl Reporter on the Internet. I am 31. Plus I am a INTP. I have a Major in Human Kinetics, and a Minor in English. I have 2 cats, and a new kitten! I write poetry, and plus I am trying to learn how to play guitar. I think that is all??? Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter View all posts by Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

15 responses to “Leo Donofrio, The Naked Emperor of the Birthers

  • Slartibartfast

    Nice column Squeeky! Leo’s motives have always been a bit of a mystery to me–as you point out, he must know that his argument is a non-starter in court (otherwise it seems like he would actually file a case using it…), but on the other hand he’s not constantly flogging the PayPal button like Orly. One quibble with your poker hand analogy–2h3h4h5h6s is a straight, which is a solid hand. 2h3h4h5h7s is, on the other hand*, the very weakest hand possible-which would seem to me to be what the birthers have…

    * pun intended 😉

  • Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

    Hi Slarti!!!

    Oops is right. I had looked up four-flusher, which is the word I knew, and then I messed up. Sooo, I just changed the 6 to a 7 of clubs. The only card game I play is Hearts, Spades, and one my parents used to play called Rook which I only played with them. I don’t even know if they still make those cards because my parents had a old deck that you could learn from the outside of it was sooo scarred up.

    I think Donofrio got into this stuff just to f*ck with people and see how many Gull E. Bulls he could catch. I think he sits back and laughs at the Birthers while he also basks in their attention..

    I like your “weakest hand” pun.

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

  • Dr. Conspiracy

    It can be fun to try to guess at the mind behind the character. Three years ago, I made the suggestion that Donofrio was essentially a trickster:

    http://www.obamaconspiracy.org/2009/02/kokopelli/

    and I have said that I think he enjoys feeling superior to the millions he has fooled with a theory that he knows (at least after the first few weeks) is a load of hooey.

    However, the most direct explanation is likely to be true and that is Donofrio came up with a novel theory, convinced himself that it’s true and now filters the evidence to fit. Birthers believe it for the same reason he does. That’s why he raged against the Supreme Court when he lost he one and only solo lawsuit, instead of accepting that he was wrong. We all have confirmation bias to a lesser or greater extent.

  • Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

    DrC:

    I think you may be onto something with the Trickster, which is a Jungian archetype thingy about which much is written. I am working on one Internet Article with the Festival Of Fools as the motif. (or Feast of Fools as most people call it.) Anyway, there are strong Trickster elements to those celebrations, too.

    if you read up about Donofrio, which somebody on the web had a lot of stuff about him, you’ll see there was “pretend” and “fantastical” elements to some of his stunts, like with the drummer dude.

    Another thingy you may find interesting is the Tom O’Bedlam character. (Which I am also mulling a Internet Article on) Anyway somebody named Disraeli or something like that wrote a piece in his book on Literary Curiosities about the Tom O’Bedlams. It was like from 1800 something. My father has the book, and I will see if I can borrow it from him. It may also be on the Internet what with all the google book things.

    But there were Trickster for Pay elements in that. I think Orly Taitz really does used the Moldavan Krav Maga Litigation Technique because that mirrors her basic personality. Which may date back to certain ceremonies by women called Maenads. Which is another mythological element I am going to use in the near future.

    But, back to Donofrio, my BFF Fabia Sheen, Esq., a lawyer, says that nobody who has been to law school and learned how to research case law would unknowingly or accidentally write stuff like Donofrio. She says that neither would he ignore the clear precedents if he has legal training. She says it is all an act by Donofrio, and she is a pretty smart and perceptive person. Sooo, I kind of trust her.

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

    • Thomas Brown

      5.
      Curiosities of Literature Volume I
      Disraeli, Isaac
      Bookseller: Brockport College Foundation — Books
      (Brockport, NY, U.S.A.)
      Bookseller Rating:
      Quantity Available: 1

      Price: US$ 10.00
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      Book Description: Sheldon and Company, 1863. Rebound in Buckram. Book Condition: G+ Exlib. No Jacket. Ex-Liibrary book with usual markings and stamps. Spine and boards strong and straight. Inside pages clean and tight but slightly yellowing due to age/shelf life. With a view of the life and writings of the author. By his son. From the fourteenth corrected London edition. Bookseller Inventory # 026196

      17.
      Bookseller Image
      Curiosities of Literature. 2nd ed. rebound
      DISRAELI, Isaac)
      Bookseller: John W. Doull, Bookseller (A.B.A.C.)
      (Halifax, NS, Canada)
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      Quantity Available: 1

      Price: US$ 387.51
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      Book Description: Murray, 1792, 1792. (DISRAELI, Isaac). Curiosities of Literature. Consisting of Anecdotes, Characters, Sketches, and Observations, Literary, Critical, and Historical. Second Edition. L.: Printed for J. Murray, 1792. Pp (2),[v]-xi,(5),[1]-531,(13). 8vo, modern green half calf, marbled boards, in slipcase. Title page rapaired, else vg in modern binding and slipcase. 375.00. Bookseller Inventory # 31144

  • Slartibartfast

    Squeeky,

    Well, it wouldn’t be the first time the Paraclete went in for performance art… I pretty much play any sort of card game–I grew up playing bridge and hearts with my family and euchre at college (it’s good to play a game that you don’t get appreciably worse at when you’re falling down drunk sometimes…) and I’ve played quite a bit of spades–but I find poker fascinating (plus you play for money–I’ve never won any money playing pinochle… just sayin’). There’s a saying in poker that if you can’t spot the fish in your first 30 minutes at the table then you are the fish. Which side of this expression Leo is on depends on who he’s playing with–if he’s playing with the birthers like you suggest, they’re the fish and he’s the shark, but if he really thinks he’s a Constitutional scholar like Doc suggests…

    Personally, I see both of your hypotheses as plausible–all I know is that I’d sure like to play a few hands at the same table as Leo and see how long it takes me to identify the fish…

  • Thomas Brown

    You are probably already familiar with Edgar in Lear playing at Tom O’Bedlam. Are you aware of the Trickster turning up in Vedic, Aussie-aboriginal and American Indian lore as well? They do much to reinforce his archetypality, as they have no connection (possibly excepting the Vedas) with Euro-culture.

  • Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

    TBrown:

    Actually, yes. I have some books from this place called Bollingen, that my father gave me. One of the articles is about The Mother,Rebirth,Trickster, and Spirit stuff. This may interest you:

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/50075216/Man-and-his-Symbols

    I have a copy of this book, but it is kind of neat that you can also download it to your computer.

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

    • Thomas Brown

      Thank you. I think we have a copy of “Man and his Symbols” in our library in the “Books About Everything” section along with Joseph Campbell’s stuff, Julian Jaynes’ “The Origins of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind,” “Goedel, Escher, Bach” etc.

      Our most fun aquisition recently was a first ed. (1792) of “A Vindication of the Rights of Woman” by Mary Wollstonecraft, as part of our American Liberty section. Most people only recognize the name because of her more famous daughter. A fascinating, pointed response to “The Rights of Man,” extremely rare in the original Philadelphia printing.

      There is much joy in being an amateur librarian, and we have been immersed in American and English and Literature (from the Bard on) for decades. So please don’t take it lightly when I say that my wife (lifelong Professor of Literature) and I think your writing is some of the liveliest, most creative current work anywhere. You are a talented satirist, at the very least, and we are enjoying every word.

      • Thomas Brown

        My bad on the extra “and” in there.

      • Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

        Thank you sooo much!!! I am glad somebody is getting this stuff. Maybe I can do, “The Coming Forth By Day of Osiris Taitz”, after all.

        I probably couldn’t be a librarian. Too many books would disappear and sooner or later they would catch on to me.

        So many books. So little time. Sadly, I can’t even get my entire library in one place at this time. I know how you feel about the special books. I recall once as I was checking out at a used book store, a ray of sunlight shone through the window and fell upon a book on a high shelf behind the cashier. It was the facsimile edition of The Waste Land. I had been sort of looking for it. The rays reflected off the mylar wrapping and just like whats-his-name the Emperor of the Eastern Roman Empire, I believed. Well, at least I believed enough to fork out $40 more bucks.

        There is just something comforting in “He do the Police in different voices.”

        Someone you should check out, if you haven’t already is Robert Graves. His Food for Centaurs is a good introduction, and his Greek Myths is still highly rated I believe. Your wife has probably encountered his White Goddess, which I am not sure about how accurate he is on that. But maybe it was the inspiration for Kilmer’s “Trees.” If not, I bet a clever person could still wrangle an “A” tying the two together.

        Squeeky Fromm
        Girl Reporter

  • Thomas Brown

    I read “The White Goddess” when I was your age; probably should again.

    I’m on my way to Washington to visit my grandmother for what may be the last time. She is notable for being one of the very first female Psychiatrists in America, back when male Doctors would walk right up and ask “What the hell are you doing here? Why aren’t you home cooking for your family?” She paid them no heed, and went on to care for troubled minds for almost 60 years.

    It’s a long trip, so I’m determined to use the time to read Moby Dick, the most popular book almost nobody has actually read. My wife read it for a class and hated it, but came back twenty years later and found it utterly fascinating. We shall see.

    Speaking of Kilmer, I remember a parody some devoted English teacher showed us in High School. I can’t locate it now, but two lines were

    “A tree- who’s hung? Grey Mouth is pressed
    against the Earth-Swede, Flo Ingbrest”

    Nice story about the shaft of light. Things like that happen sometimes, and one should be paying attention.

  • Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

    I loved Moby Dick, and was really surprised to find racy stuff in it like the Town Ho’s Story. I guess Melville got around more than people knew. I like the surreal aspects of Moby Dick. It has that Midnight in The Garden of Good and Evil feel to it.

    Ouch on Trees. I did a take-off on that one, too:

    http://squeekyfromm.posterous.com/tres-outre-a-poem

    One day, I will get off this Birther stuff and get back to politics, art, and Squeekonomics.

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

    OH PS, with your sense of humor, you may like this if you are not already onto it. I plan a Internet Article or two on this:

    http://homepages.wmich.edu/~cooneys/txt/Moore/index.html

    The Introduction by William Blair is to die for. Laughing.

  • Thomas Brown

    Oh my. Looks like Julia Moore was the Ed Wood of poetry.

    A friend of mine owns the preposterously elaborate and beautiful pipe organ made by the Burdett Company to be their showpiece for the 1876 Centennial Exposition. You can see it at

    http://www.harmoniumnet.nl/burdett-centennial.html

    It was missing a few parts when Durward got it, so I made him the top section visible in the second picture (just the cone thingy and ball finial), and the little goblet in the fourth, in my first shop before quitting my day job and changing from an employee to an employer.

    I have never looked back.

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