Feet of Klay (And Idol Hands)

Unlike His Older Brother, Ozymandias, Young Larry's Story Had No Legs

We must be doomed to live in interesting times.  For LO,  a new lawyer has emerged from the Birther Pit, his head bloody, but unbowed.  His name is Larry Klayman and his coming out party is being held at the World Net Daily Playhouse.  His battle cry rings across the land, no doubt sending a thrill up the leg of Patriots everywhere:

The framers of our Constitution were very wise in one respect in particular. These Founding Fathers, themselves born overseas, understood that “foreign influences” could pervert the thinking and actions of the president of the United States. They therefore wrote into the Constitution the provision that he be a “natural born citizen,” that is, be born to two American parents. Before the election of Hussein Obama, few scholars focused on this requirement, as never before have we seen a president so influenced by his father’s foreign heritage. But with Obama, we now can understand more fully the logic and wisdom of the framers. “Our president” simply is not an “American” at heart, nor a natural born citizen, and his actions speak even louder than his Kenyan Muslim roots.

Given the prospect that Obama will win another four years to destroy the nation by continuing to try to mold it in a manner his anti-colonial, socialist and Muslim Kenyan father would have been proud of, it is incumbent on all of us to use every legal means to remove this scourge from our body politic. This means pursuing every “legal means” to have courts declare that Hussein Obama is not eligible to be president of the United States.

With God’s grace, perhaps the American people can find one judge who has he guts to do what needs to be done: order that Hussein Obama cannot be our president.

So, with this mission in mind, along with other patriots, I pledge my sacred honor to file as many lawsuits as are necessary, in as many states as seem prudent, to try to find this one judge who will help us save the nation and the world.

Stay tuned. Our legal crusade may be a long shot given the compromised state of the judiciary, but we have no choice. We must do all we can to avert a disastrous four more years of this un-American president!


Klayman has been around for many years. Wiki says:

He is known as the founder and former Chairman of Judicial Watch, a public interest and non-profit law firm, which attained notoriety through the initiation of 18 civil lawsuits against the Clinton Administration, and later an unsuccessful lawsuit against Vice-President Dick Cheney in order to obtain information about the White House’s energy task force.

Unlike other websites, The Birther Think Tank is not concerned with some of his personal problems. Nobody is perfect. The relevant thing is, that he has entered the Birther Fray, on the side of ignorance and absurdity, and his chances are, as he said, a long shot.  Things are worse than he suspects for even if he finds his one judge,  a judge that will buy into the two citizen-parent foolishness, he still has to prevail on appeal. So that is 3 judges at least. Then when he loses, an en banc appeal, with let’s assume 9 judges.  Then to appeal that loss to SCOTUS, with 9 judges, who will not hear the appeal because the Birther stuff is nonsense. Let’s see. How many judges is that? 1 + 3 + 9 + 9 = 22 judges, more or less.  A tough row to hoe.

The term,  feet of clay, is from the Bible. Wiki says it is:

. . . a reference to the interpretation of the dream of Nebuchadnezzar,  King of  Babylon by the prophet Daniel which is recounted in the  Book of Daniel.

Thou, O king, sawest, and behold a great image. This great image, whose brightness was excellent, stood before thee; and the form thereof was terrible.

This image’s head was of fine gold, his breast and his arms of silver, his belly and his thighs of brass,
His legs of iron, his feet part of iron and part of clay. (Daniel 2:31-33)

Of course, with feet made of clay and iron, the top-heavy Idol flops over and crashes. The term is often used to refer to a weakness or character flaw, especially in people of high station. But the problem here isn’t really the people. It’s with the Idol. It is Birtherism which has the feet of clay. I don’t want to say what the rest of it is made from, but it is organic, and it isn’t pleasant to step in.

I suspect Klayman has been brought on board to provide a more respectable veneer for the Birther cause. His mascara seldom runs, and with all due respect to Orly Taitz, his voice doesn’t sound like Natasha from the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons. But, just like a cheap Esteban guitar,  he won’t be able to stay in tune  for very long before The House of The Rising Sun starts to sound like an extended mix version of composer Charles Ives’Bronx Cheer.” (Found at 9:08 into the 5th Movement of his Second Symphony.)  Which I guess is kind of appropriate considering that Klayman promises he is gwine to run all night and gwine to run all day.

But his fate is already sealed. Klayman will fail no matter how hard he tries. No matter how many suits he files. No matter how much World Net Daily rouses the Birther Rabble. Like all the other Birther lawyers he will get his turn to play Captain of the Costa Concordia, waving to the adoring crowds on shore, as he founders on the Reefs of Reality. Then, like an old episode of the Twilight Zone, he will reprise that role into the foreseeable future.

In the end, all the Birther Lawyers will have the same number of victories – ZERO.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image and Caption. Based on the poem, Ozymandias, by Percy Shelley.

OZYMANDIAS (by Percy Bysshe Shelley)

I MET a Traveler from an antique land,
Who said, “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is OZYMANDIAS, King of Kings.”
Look on my works ye Mighty, and despair!
No thing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that Colossal Wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

The Easter Egg, it’s just a flesh wound, is from Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

Note 2. Bronx Cheer. Urban Dictionary describes it as:

A sign of contempt, usually when you stick your tongue between your lips, and you blow though them, resulting in a loud, blubbering, and flatulent noise.

Here is a link to Charles Ive’s 2nd Symphony, 5th Movement.  You’ll hear where De Camptown Races reference comes from.

Note 3. Esteban Guitars:  Like with the Birthers, there seems to be some quality control issues and some organized puffery designed to cover up or excuse those problems. Like Klayman above preemptively blaming the judges for losses before he has even gotten into court.  The really hilarious Esteban reviews  disappeared from Harmony Central. My guess is that several readers died of laughter and the website was afraid of lawsuits.  Anyway, here are a few stray reviews I scrounged up:

I just received one of the Esteban signature models, and it absolutely put my guitar to shame. I mean, the inscrutable “wisdom of the East” workmanship, the testicle-busting resonant tone, the drop-dead (in the alley) finish, the freshly cut aged greenish wood, the classic Ginsu fret work, the infinitely variable pitch tuning. So, I sold my 1927 Martin 0-45 at my garage sale for $57 after getting the Estebsn. Who needed that POS Martin, anyway?

I returned this guitar after the frets fell off. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND EVERYTHING HOLY….. DO NOT BUY THIS GUITAR.

I cut my fingers on the frets. I had to spend Christmas morning in the emergency room getting stitches. The doctors looked at me like I was a complete lunatic, since I was covered in blood and paint from the fretboard, and screaming about how Esteban ruined my Christmas.

My daughter bought it. She played it for a couple weeks. Then one day I arrived home from work and there it was hanging from a tree limb minus strings. She got so ticked off that she decided to turn it into a bird house. So far after 6 weeks in the tree no birds have moved in, but there is bird crap all over it.

It’s no wonder the guy [Esteban]disguises himself.


For some reason when I play a G (fifth fret) on the D string while the guitar is hooked up to its amp, the string just starts vibrating out of control. It is really strange, and something I have never seen before.

I just received my Esteban guitar. He actually signed it. This thing is now worth a fortune. Besides the cardboard neck and the frets being made out of licorice this baby is great. Except it doesn’t stay in tune and the balsa wood is rotting but I’m extremely happy. (Because I just took a painkiller)

This guitar would make a nice home for a hamster. It could gnaw some holes in the side of it and probably enjoy living there.

There are also some good Esteban reviews out there at the link below,  but as this person noticed, it is  possible that some of them may be puffery. Like the Birther claim that these darn judges just can’t appreciate a good eligibility lawsuit when they see one.:

HOW TO SPOT PLANTED REVIEWS Many of the 4/5 star reviews claim to be from individuals that have been playing guitar for 30/40+ years. This is meant to give you an impression of expertise. If someone you knew had 30 to 40 years worth of experience in an area you knew little about wouldn’t you trust their opinion? Well, that’s exactly what they want you to do.

On a side note, I also need to mention, I spend a lot of time on several review sites and I find a surprisingly high concentration of users here claiming to have 30/40+ years of experience. Many of the 4/5 star reviews make sure to mention exactly how much you get when you buy the guitar. “You don’t just get a guitar. You get extra strings, hard case, picks, strap, allen key…” and of course there’s the “for only…” part. Regular people don’t talk or write like that, but marketers do.

Another thing you’re going to notice is that many 4/5 star reviews say something like “I can’t believe all the negative reviews” or “I can’t get over how many negative reviews I am seeing”. This is meant to acknowledge what you’ll see anyways (the bad reviews), but persuade you into thinking that the negative reviews are not valid based the particular reviewer’s overwhelmingly positive opinion. Regular people don’t have a natural preoccupation with negative product reviews, but marketers do.

Finally, you’re going to notice certain idiosyncratic tendencies in the language of the reviews. For one, there are several reviews from supposedly different people that all spell the word “guitar” as “quitar”. A Freudian slip? Look at your keyboard right now… As you can see the the “g” and “q” keys are nowhere near each other. This tells us that these “folks” don’t know how to spell the word. It wasn’t a simple wrong key press. So what are the odds that 4 happy people from different places, on the same site misspell the same word in the same awkward way? Not very high if you ask me. Be careful.



About Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

Hi!!! I am a Girl Reporter on the Internet. I am 34. Plus I am a INTP. I have a Major in Human Kinetics, and a Minor in English. I have 2 cats, and a new kitten! I write poetry, and plus I am trying to learn how to play guitar. I think that is all??? Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter View all posts by Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

3 responses to “Feet of Klay (And Idol Hands)

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