The Birther Olympics: Update No. 2: (Diving In Over Your Head)

Sometimes, You Just get In Over Your Head

Finally, the results are in for the latest Birther Olympics event, Diving In Over Your Head. The games were thrown into complete disarray when every Birther who came to the games registered for this event. This was foreseeable, all of them having been over their heads since day one of Birtherism.  Extra Judges were rushed in, and after a marathon day (and night) of performances, the results are in.

Darren Huff, late of Georgia,  took home the Bronze Medal for his pantomine performance, in full drag, of Don’t Take Your Guns To Town, by Johnny Cash.  Accompanied by four federal marshals, Huff sported a full beard and drop stitch stockings. Playing it completely for laughs, Huff was not expected to qualify,  much less win anything.  However, in a move reminiscent of Nadia Comaneci’s insouciant hand gestures during the 1976 Montreal Olympics, Huff added his own sassy little line immediately after the last “don’t take your guns to town”, that line being “nor your pink dildos either.”  The normally staid judges all broke out in uncontrollable laughter, and Huff was returned to Federal custody with the Bronze Medal safely sealed in a little brown personal property envelope along with the stockings.

Coming in second, and winning the Silver Medal, was CDR Walter F. Fitzpatrick III, USN Ret. Dressed in full naval regalia, he performed a surreal and haunting rendition to the tune of I Fought The Law by Bobby Fuller, accompanied only by a solo pedal harp. To my knowledge, this is the first time this song has ever been performed in this manner, much less in a minor key. When Fitzpatrick’s gravelly voice broke out with, “citizen-arrestin’ in the hot sun” followed by the plaintive refrain of “I fought the law and the law won”, as the harpist plucked out G Minor and C minor chords, a hush fell over the auditorium.  His song writing was immaculate, and lines like “grabbin’ legal papers in a fast run” and “eatin’ bad food, couldn’t see the sun” conveyed the full range of his experiences in what has come to be called the Madisonville Mutiny.

But the evening was all about the gold, and ex-Col. Terry Lakin was the big surprise of this event. Dressed in his sad clown costume, Lakin performed his Divesti la Giubba aria, borrowed from Leon Cavallo’s I, Pagliacci. Who knew he could sing??? And with his lyrics, Lakin did old Leon one better, sweeping him under the ruggero as they say in Italia. Oh, the pathos literally mounted up to the ceilings, as Lakin sang the final words:

So laugh, Terry Lakin,
Even as your heart’s breakin’,
Now Laugh, Clown Doctor, your prescription mistaken.
Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha. . .

and collapsed in a sobbing heap on the stadium floor. The crowd went crazy. Even some of the Obots had tears in their eyes. No one was expecting this level of theatrical sophistication. Yet, perhaps we should have known better. After all, the Birthers have been practicing drama and theatrics 24/7 for almost 4 years straight

Reporting from beautiful downtown Laguna Niguel, this is:

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. Lakin’s Lament: Here are the complete lyrics to the Lakin’s Lament Aria.

Divesti la Giubba

Rejection! Sadly seeming nobody wants me.
Booted out of the Army,
Oh woe, woe is me,
My uniform, they took from me!
Ah! How my heart is breakin’
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
The Clown, Terry Lakin!

Bye Bye, Doctor coat!
How’d I put my self in this boat?
Internet Birthers, believing stuff they wrote!
Berg and Apuzzo, and even Donofrio.
The Clown, Terry Lakin, took the bait. Alas, Oh Noes!!!
Now, my fate – Floppy shoes, squirting flowers, a big red nose.

Now laugh, Terry Lakin,
Even while your heart’s breakin’,
Now Laugh, Clown Doctor, your prescription mistaken.
Ha, ha,ha,ha,ha. . .

Note 2: Divesti la Giubba – this is a pigdin English-Italian word play on vesti la Giubba, the song from the opera I, Pagliacci.  Vesti la giubba means put on the costume, or put on the jacket. The English prefix “di” has been cobbled with the Italian “vesti” to make it mean divest – take off the the professional clothes as Lakin was forced to do with his uniform and his Doctor’s coat.

Here is a more detailed explanation of the actual meaning of vesti la giubba:

I admire your attempts, but Italian is a bit more complicated than you think, and less “scientific” than German and germanic languages, in general. To this you should add the difficulty that the text in an operatic libretto uses a poetic style in the lyrics that makes it even harder to a foreigner to find out the right translation key.

So, I’m pleased to solve your puzzle by a little pill of Italian grammar and lexicon. Let’s examine the sentence: “Vesti la giubba”.

Here “Vesti” is the imperative mood, present tense, second person singular of verb “vestire”, in the sense of “indossare”, which corresponds to the English imperative “put on (+ noun)”, “dress yourself with (+noun)”.

Unfortunately, and that causes part of the puzzle, “vesti” is indeed also the plural of “veste”, which is a poetic word for “vestito”, which corresponds to the English noun “dress” (hence, in the plural, also to “clothes”), in the general meaning of “whatever you put on your body to prevent its being naked”.

Let’s go on. “la giubba” is the object complement (i.e. an accusative noun) of “vesti”, and simply means “the costume”, “the jacket”. Therefore “la” is the definite article, feminine singular (the neutral gender, although existing in Latin, has disappeared in Italian) and “giubba” is the noun of the thing that Canio has to put on to get ready for the scene.

Note 3: Vesti la giubba: For those unfamiliar with either the opera or the aria, here is a youtube video. I am surprised this version has not had more hits:

Note 4. The Image. I can’t figure out who the artist is, but it can be found here:

Note 5. Miscellaneous.

When Birther Darren Huff was arrested, the cops actually found a gun, tranny porn,  and a pink dildo in his vehicle.

One of Walter Fitzpatrick’s biggest supporters is Sharon Rondeau of The Post and EMail. Ms. Rondeau is a professional harpist.

Leon Cavallo was a close friend of Michael Angelo.

Lakin’s Lament aria is actually singable to the Vesti la giubba music.


About Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

Hi!!! I am a Girl Reporter on the Internet. I am 31. Plus I am a INTP. I have a Major in Human Kinetics, and a Minor in English. I have 2 cats, and a new kitten! I write poetry, and plus I am trying to learn how to play guitar. I think that is all??? Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter View all posts by Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

8 responses to “The Birther Olympics: Update No. 2: (Diving In Over Your Head)

  • G

    ROTFLMAO x10 Hilarious!! Kudos as always, Squeeky! 🙂

  • jerk eliminator

    IF the IDIOT who authored this piece written herein had as much knowledge of how the FREEDOM to publish this bullshit were better understood by the writer then the IDIOT would JOIN the people who are honoring their pledges and oaths to DEFEND her rights to publish this BULLSHIT written about the military personnel who put their SWORN OATHS ahead of their personal safety cocoon.

    The IDIOT who published the BULLSHIT would NOT be someone that ANYONE would want to have aside of themselves in a combat situation.
    The IDIOT needs to learn what MILITARY and other patriots go through to defend AMERICAN FREEDOMS..
    Did you get this blurb … IDIOT BITCH?

  • Slartibartfast

    jerk eliminator said:

    IF the IDIOT who authored this piece written herein

    Squeeky’s writings show her not only to be reasonably intelligent, but creative as well. On the other hand, the redundant way that you repeat things again and again makes your writing seem rather juvenile and idiotic.

    had as much knowledge of how the FREEDOM to publish this bullshit were better understood by the writer then the IDIOT would JOIN the people who are honoring their pledges and oaths to DEFEND her rights to publish this BULLSHIT written about the military personnel who put their SWORN OATHS ahead of their personal safety cocoon.

    Dear god, that’s one hell of a run-on sentence you’ve got there. Your pathetic lack of eloquence makes it hard to tell for sure, but it appears that you suffer from some serious misinformation in the case of convicted felon and “Blue Falcon”* Terry Lakin (note: he is no longer entitled to use his former military rank). This coward not only violated his oath to the Constitution (which is, after all, what gives President Obama his legitimate authority), but actually put his fellow soldiers who were honorably serving at greater risk. After being repeatedly told that he had no right to demand anything of President Obama (President Obama having been properly vetted by the Constitutionally specified process) and nonwithstanding the fact that then-candidate Obama had released what we now know to be his valid and correct birth certificate and proof of natural born citizenship when birther lawsuits were just a gleam in Phil Berg’s eye, Lakin disobeyed the orders of one of the two active duty Medal of Honor winners on active duty and failed to deploy with his unit. Because of this, one officer’s tour had to be extended and another deployed early (and without all of the proper training–more on that later), causing hardship on both of them and their families. Far worse than this, however, was the testimony of the officer who replaced the cretin when he deserted his sworn duty. This officer said that shortly after he arrived in Afghanistan he was in a multi-casualty situation in which men were put in greater danger because he wasn’t able to finish the typical pre-mission training due to the early deployment. In my opinion, this is what makes Lakin’s actions not just cowardly, but contemptible and I think this despicable scumbag got far less than he deserved.

    *Blue Falcon is military slang for someone who lets down their comrades in arms–a “Buddy F***er”.

    The IDIOT who published the BULLSHIT would NOT be someone that ANYONE would want to have aside of themselves in a combat situation.

    I’d much rather have Squeeky in my foxhole than I would a Blue Falcon like convicted felon Lakin… or an ignorant bigot like yourself.

    The IDIOT needs to learn what MILITARY and other patriots go through to defend AMERICAN FREEDOMS..

    Bet it just burns you up that President Obama let gays and lesbians serve openly, doesn’t it? 😉

    Did you get this blurb …

    That you’re an unintelligent, uninformed bigot filled with hate? Yup–that came through loud and clear…

    There’s a quote from John Wayne that I like: “I didn’t vote for him but he’s my president, and I hope he does a good job.” I very much hate the job that President Bush did, but I agreed with this sentiment (even though his election required the assistance of a SCOTUS decision which explicitly says that it does not set a precedent) and always refer to President Bush with the respect due the office (Dick the war criminal is another matter entirely…). No one expects you to support President Obama and you certainly don’t have to vote for him, but if you can’t at least treat him with the respect he is due in a civilized discussion then please STFU! (which means “Shut The F**k Up” Tee Hee! 😉 )


    Aw, look Squeeky, he’s got a crush on you…

    Great post Squeeky! I hope you don’t mind me pounding on your troll a little…

    • Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

      Thanks Slarti!!!

      I must have hit a nerve with him. Maybe he is not an opera lover or something.

      Squeeky Fromm
      Girl Reporter

      • Slartibartfast

        Yeah–and I don’t think he’ll be getting hired to write librettos anytime soon…

      • Northland10

        If I were debate anything, it would have been on whose is the better performance of Vesta la gubbia, your video above or the many others (Domingo, Lanza, Pavarotti, Caruso, etc.).


        • Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

          I know. There are sooo many great performances. I even found Enrico Caruso on cylinder on the net. I picked this one though, because it was slow enough for me to sing along with.

          I spent about 5 or 6 hours writing the lyrics to Lakin’s Lament in a way that it could be sung in English without too much strain, while trying to preserve the overall motif of divesting the clothing, explaining the clown garb, setting up the mood, and rhyming.


          Squeeky Fromm
          Girl Reporter

  • John Wayne

    Obama’s College Classmate: The Obama Scandal is at Columbia
    TheBlaze ^ | August 6, 2012 | Wayne Allyn Root

    Posted on Monday, August 06, 2012 6:46:19 PM by Jess Kitting

    Why are the college records, of a 51-year-old President of the United States, so important to keep secret? I think I know the answer.

    If anyone should have questions about Obama’s record at Columbia University, it’s me. We both graduated (according to Obama) Columbia University, Class of ’83. We were both (according to Obama) Pre-Law and Political Science majors. And I thought I knew most everyone at Columbia. I certainly thought I’d heard of all of my fellow Political Science majors. But not Obama (or as he was known then- Barry Soetoro). I never met him. Never saw him. Never even heard of him. And none of the classmates that I knew at Columbia has ever met him, saw him, or heard of him.

    But don’t take my word for it. The Wall Street Journal reported in 2008 that Fox News randomly called 400 of our Columbia classmates and never found one who had ever met Obama.

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