Well, my few months sabbatical hasn’t seen any improvement in Birther Butterdezillion’s mental condition. Here is her latest bit of ramblings. Like always, Butterdezillion utilizes all 11 dimensions contemplated by cosmological string theory, sometimes with an extra universe or two tossed in for good measure. Please keep in mind that what seems incoherent in Euclidian space-time, is extremely obvious to the entities found in the 8th dimension. Or so I have been told.
I will summarize her thesis to protect any readers from madness, but if you are curious, and strong mentally, and a risk taker, here is the link to her Internet Article entitled Part Four: Three Bizarre Events We All Scratched Our Heads At.
The underlying bizarre events revolve around the actions of Hawaii Governor Neil Abercrombie, and Hollywood reporter Mike Evans in late 2010 and early 2011. Abercrombie said he planned to put an end to the birth certificate questions for his good friend, the President. Then, he backed off his promise. Then, on several radio shows, celebrity gossip purveyor Mike Evans stated that Gov. Abercrombie, a long time acquaintance, told him he couldn’t find a copy of Obama’s birth certificate.
Later, Evans recanted and said that he hadn’t actually had any conversations with Abercrombie. Yeah, that’s a little weird. Was Evans drunk, or just running off at the mouth? Or, did Abercrombie actually tell him that because Abercrombie was either drunk, or just running off at the mouth? Were there black helicopters hovering in the vicinity??? It is an incident that someone doing a conspiracy theory television show about Birthers, 50 years in the future, will relate with spooky music playing in the background.
Had Butterdezillion just stopped at that point, then it would have been a decent enough Birther article about an important piece of Birther lore. Kind of like the book publisher’s blurb where Obama claimed to be born in Kenya, or the Connecticut social security number. She provided links to the various statements, and transcripts. If you are the kind of person who likes hiccups, then this would have had you breathing into a paper bag for a few seconds.
But. . . being Butterdezillion. . . she just has to make that out-of-body astral flight to the Crazy Dimension. She goes and pulls the Jared Loughner Arizona shooting spree, and the resignation of Neal Palafox, Director of the Hawaii Department of Health, into the storyline. And, for her obligatory statutory confusion motif, she goes to the Hawaii Code and brings in this little goody:
§338-17.7 Establishment of new certificates of birth, when. (a) The department of health shall establish, in the following circumstances, a new certificate of birth for a person born in this State who already has a birth certificate filed with the department and who is referred to below as the “birth registrant”:
(5) Upon request of a law enforcement agency certifying that a new birth certificate showing different information would provide for the safety of the birth registrant; provided that the new birth certificate shall contain information requested by the law enforcement agency, shall be assigned a new number and filed accordingly, and shall not substitute for the birth registrant’s original birth certificate, which shall remain in place.
Based on various and sundry silly premises, Butterdezillion had previously concluded that Obama had been given a new birth certificate at the request of law enforcement. If you like nonsense verse, and are burned out on Mother Goose and Lewis Carroll, then here is the link:
Now, like a physicist working on the Grand Unified Theory, she imports this nonsense into the Abercrombie-Evans-Palafox Equations. Here is her brilliant reasoning, from the first link above:
And that’s why I think they fired him [Palafox]: he wasn’t willing to play their game. He was the snag. They had the request from law enforcement to create a new BC for Obama to protect him from those “violent Arizona birthers”, the stage had been set for it to be released…. And Palafox wouldn’t go along with it. That’s why Abercrombie was caught off-guard by the Star-Advertiser columnist’s question in bizarre event #1; his own HDOH Director stood in the way of the plan so it was in limbo at the time of the question. That’s why Abercrombie hadn’t found a birth certificate by the time Mike Evans called him. And once they saw Jack Cashill, Peter Boyles, etc bring attention to the first 2 bizarre stories, they knew they were going to eventually have to show a BC, and to do that they had to get rid of the person standing in the way. In a single day they “convinced” Mike Evans to change his story and Neal Palafox to resign. But Palafox quietly let the world know there was something rotten in Hawaii… (sort of like a red flag…)
Why wouldn’t he go along with it, when the law allows a new BC to be created at the request of law enforcement? Because the statute says that is only allowable for somebody who was born in Hawaii and has a birth certificate on file. . .
And not just any old birth certificate on file BUT a legally valid one, as opposed to all the legally invalid ones on file that she had dreamed into existence in a previous flight to LaLa Land. The reason has to be Obama’s safety. It would make little sense for the conspirators to reason, “Let’s stay legit, and we’ll use the safety provision in the Hawaii Code to get a legally valid birth certificate on file, and we will be totally NOT legit and lie about it being for the purposes of safety.”
If Abercrombie and his cronies were of a mind to cheat, why not just cheat and leave no paper trails??? Because this is where her inter-dimensional fuzzy-time fuzzy-logic breaks down. The whole “safety” thing would be batpoop nutty to everybody, Obama friend and Obama foe alike. I suspect that the only person in the world who would find it plausible is Butterdezillion.
How in the frigging world would a new birth certificate protect Obama from crazy gun-toting Birthers??? I am scratching my head like crazy, and I don’t have lice. Heck, we don’t have but one President at a time. We all know what he looks like. He even has his own distinctive airplane, a bunch of limousines, and a healthy contingent of reporters and secret service guys. And a couple of teleprompters.
In Butterdezillion’s Universe, was Obama ever about to slip into witness protection? Was a plastic surgeon waiting on tap somewhere to crop his ears and do a nose job? Were crafty and clever Secret Service guys high-fiving each other on their decision to change Obama’s birth certificate and planning a celebration at Foxy’s Strip Club??? Was Joe Biden somewhere working with a speech coach like in The King’s Speech movie??? (God rest his soul!)
In her dimension, do hitmen routinely check out the birth certificates before putting their sniper rifles together up there on the grassy knolls of America??? Would a Birther hitman be fooled if Barack Obama’s name was changed to Fred Smith??? Envisage the scene there on a rooftop somewhere behind an air conditioning vent. The assassin has everything lined up, and he texts this to his handler:
Should I ABORT??? Not sure I have the right current American President!!!
And would the Birther handler send an operative to Honolulu to double check the birth index, and would a text come back to the rooftop:
ABORT!!! Not sure who the hell this guy is!!! Wait until we can get an original long form birth certificate or microfilm!!!
Sadly, I suspect for Butterdezillion the answer to all these questions is YES!!!