REPENT??? Poo Poo Simmons Warns Of The Apocalyptic GREAT OBOT TIZZY!!!

VT, guy shoveling manure

Even When Simmons Stopped To Make A Pitch,  The Manure Kept Flying

Well, I am not afraid to admit that I am scared stiff!!! I have re-written Poo Poo Simmon’s GREAT OBOT TIZZY post in Biblical terms for effect:

Lo, in those last days shalt all the minions of the Great Usurper be afflicted with a fit of tizzy, and they shalt fall over as DEAD as the knobs of doors!!!

Here is the link to the story, as originally written for those who are interested:

I think he is on to something, and I am really, truly scared. Because, when I read the following lines, I ALMOST DIED!!!

If it turns out that Sheriff Arpaio is successful in getting Congress to investigate the authenticity of Obama’s BC, the Perkins-Coie legal team, who will be defending Obama, will be hard pressed to simply dismiss Reed Hayes as a “quack.”  This fact will be especially significant now that it is a revealed and proven  truth that members of the Perkins – Coie  firm have used Hayes as an expert witness! Their own prior cases, where Hayes was used as a witness, would be severely compromised if they use Saul Alinski-styled mocking  attacks on Hayes.

Luckily, my BFF Fabia Sheen, Esq., an attorney, was there drinking with me, and she quickly pushed me off the couch and began CPR on my lifeless body! After what seemed like an eternity, and me seeing a white light where Puff, my first kitten ever, was meowing for me, I spit out a lungful of Franzia White Zinfadel Wine, and a soggy Cheeto. I recovered rapidly, but I felt I had a duty to warn all the Obots and Anti-Birthers out there.

Because my research indicated that all us Obots and Anti-Birthers are susceptible to an actual medical condition known as FATAL HILARITY!!! Yes, it is possible to die laughing, and it has been documented throughout history. I am NOT just making this up! As Wiki notes:

Death from laughter refers to a rare instance of death, usually resulting from cardiac arrest or asphyxiation, caused by a fit of laughter. Instances of death by laughter have been recorded from Ancient Greece to the modern day. The first recorded use of the alternative term FATAL HILARITY is from 1956.


Death may result from several pathologies that deviate from benign laughter. Infarction of the pons and medulla oblongata in the brain may cause pathological laughter.

Laughter can cause atonia and collapse (“gelastic syncope”),which in turn can cause trauma. See also laughter-induced syncope, cataplexy, and Bezold-Jarisch reflex. Gelastic seizures can be due to focal lesions to the hypothalamus. Depending upon the size of the lesion, the emotional lability may be a sign of an acute condition, and not itself the cause of the fatality. Gelastic syncope has also been associated with the cerebellum.

Historical deaths attributed to laughter

Zeuxis, a 5th-century BC Greek painter, is said to have died laughing at the humorous way he painted the goddess Aphrodite – after the old woman who commissioned it insisted on modeling for the portrait.

One ancient account of the death of Chrysippus, the 3rd century BC Greek Stoic philosopher, tells that he died of laughter after he saw a donkey eating his figs; he told a slave to give the donkey neat wine to drink to wash them down with, and then, ‘…having laughed too much, he died’ (Diogenes Laertius 7.185)

In 1410, King Martin of Aragon died from a combination of indigestion and uncontrollable laughter.

In 1556, Pietro Aretino “is said to have died of suffocation from laughing too much”.

In 1660, Thomas Urquhart, the Scottish aristocrat, polymath and first translator of François Rabelais’s writings into English, is said to have died laughing upon hearing that Charles II had taken the throne.

On 24 March 1975, Alex Mitchell, from King’s Lynn, England, died laughing while watching the “Kung Fu Kapers” episode of The Goodies, featuring a kilt-clad Scotsman with his bagpipes battling a master of the Lancastrian martial art “Eckythump”, who was armed with a black pudding. After 25 minutes of continuous laughter, Mitchell finally slumped on the sofa and died from heart failure. His widow later sent The Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mitchell’s final moments of life so pleasant.

Diagnosis of his granddaughter in 2012 of having the inheritable long QT syndrome (a heart rhythm abnormality) suggests that Mitchell may have died of a cardiac arrest caused by long QT syndrome.

In 1989, Ole Bentzen, a Danish audiologist, died laughing while watching A Fish Called Wanda. His heart was estimated to have beaten at between 250 and 500 beats per minute, before he succumbed to cardiac arrest.

After reading the above descriptions, I figured when I saw the words, “If it turns out that Sheriff Arpaio is successful in getting Congress to investigate the authenticity of Obama’s BC” . . . I began to laugh and swallowed the half-chewed Cheeto and the sip of wine and thus began my short journey to Beulah Land. Fortunately, I had a trained attorney there, or there would be a little RIP thingie over my head!!!

Now, it is just not possible to read some of this Birther stuff and not go into hysterics. My goodness, most of what we do is tease the idiots and laugh at them. I am not sure that we should all REPENT, or anything like that, but maybe we should be careful to not read Birther dribble with food in our mouths, or when floating in a swimming pool.  And all those little “rolling on the floor laughing our asses off” emoticons??? If we are not careful, those could be the last thing we ever type!!!

If this Internet Article saves just one Obot or Anti-Birther life, I figure it is worth it!!!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter


About Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

Hi!!! I am a Girl Reporter on the Internet. I am 34. Plus I am a INTP. I have a Major in Human Kinetics, and a Minor in English. I have 2 cats, and a new kitten! I write poetry, and plus I am trying to learn how to play guitar. I think that is all??? Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter View all posts by Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

11 responses to “REPENT??? Poo Poo Simmons Warns Of The Apocalyptic GREAT OBOT TIZZY!!!

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