Well, here I go again with another mysterious document sent to me by an anonymous source! This time, the document purports to be an affidavit from a Confidential Informant (CI)concerning Darren Wesley Huff. Mr. Huff is currently serving a 5 year sentence for fermenting rebellion, or interstate transportation of dangerous stuff. Something like that. It occurred after Mr. Huff ran his mouth off about freeing another idiotic Birther, Walter Fitzpatrick, who tried to do a citizens arrest on various officials. You will find his story on numerous Birther websites as part of the Madisonville Hoax. You can also see Note 2, below.
Anyway, I asked my BFF Fabia Sheen, Esq., an attorney, to review this document before I did this article. She says that it is about par for the course on the kind of stuff that gets used to obtain search warrants. She says the informant had all qualities necessary to make him reliable, except for a track record. Sooo, who knows?
See Note 1, below if you are confused about what the CI is talking about. It is a pdf of the items returned to Mr. Huff after his arrest. On the below document, I have blanked out the signatures so that I don’t get in trouble with the NSA, CIA, ATF, etc. Because I don’t want to live in a Russian transit area like Eric Snowden.
Here is a pdf of the document, and below that is a text cut and paste I did off that document:
United States District Court
Eastern District of Tennessee
United States of America )
v. ) Case No. 3:10-MJ-1025
DARREN WESLEY HUFF )
AFFIDAVIT OF CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANT
I, being known hereinafter under my Confidential Informant Name, Lug Wrench, and being duly sworn do depose and state the following:
1. On the night of April 17, 2010, I was traveling in an easterly direction between Dalton, Georgia and Chatsworth, Georgia on United States Highway 76 to deliver food supplies to several friends.
2. Being a good Southern Baptist, this is a service I perform on a regular basis for purposes of charity, and out of the goodness of my heart.
3. While in route, I was pulled over and stopped by two unmarked vehicles full of special agents belonging to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.
4. At that time I was transporting a 200 gallon tank full of the aforesaid food supplies specifically consisting of corn meal, sugar, and yeast.
5. Unbeknownst to me, water had accidentally gotten into the tank, and the food supplies fermented into a liquid form.
6. Having accidentally left home without my driver’s license, registration, and proof of vehicle insurance, I handed over a copy of my SSI disability check which I had planned on cashing at Hootchie Coochers Social Dance Club just outside the city limits of the aforesaid Chatsworth, Georgia.
7. After seeing the address on my check, the agents conferred amongst themselves, and returned to where I was handcuffed to the trailer hitch.
8. They inquired of me whether I knew a DARREN WESLEY HUFF who lived on my same street.
9. I responded that I knew him very well, and often borrowed things from him.
10. In fact, that very night I had borrowed approximately 12 gallons of gasoline from DARREN WESLEY HUFF’s pickup truck.
11. Because of the lateness of the hour, I had chosen not to waken DARREN WESLEY HUFF, and simply used a short piece of water hose to transfer the aforesaid gasoline.
12. I also volunteered that if anyone said differently, they were lying.
13. The agents then inquired whether I had any occasion to borrow anything from the interior of the pickup truck.
14. I responded that there were in fact, several occasions where I borrowed things from DARREN WESLEY HUFF’s pickup truck and house and tool shed, and absent mindedly forgetting to return them, might have accidentally pawned them in the aforesaid Chatsworth, Georgia.
15. The agents then asked whether I had any REASON to borrow anything from the interior of the pickup truck on this particular evening.
16. I responded in the affirmative, and that I believed DARREN WESLEY HUFF would not have minded me borrowing a box full of fishing tackle and a combination rod and reel in case I engaged in night fishing during my return trip.
17. I also remembered that I had borrowed $2.37 in loose change, having not yet cashed the aforesaid SSI disability check. Plus, a previously opened bag of Tom’s Bar-B-Que Potato Chips, and an unopened bottle of Fanta Orange carbonated beverage.
18. The special agents inquired whether I had seen anything of a suspicious or dangerous nature while thus engaged in borrowing activities.
19. I responded that I had indeed come across such items, whereupon I was released from the aforesaid trailer hitch.
20. Negotiations were entered into which would insure that in return for this vital information, I would immediately receive approximately $342 cash, which is what the special agents had on their persons.
21. Further, I would face no criminal liability for driving without the aforesaid driver’s license, registration, and proof of vehicle insurance.
22. As an additional gesture of good will, the special agents agreed to dispose of the aforesaid water-damaged food products for me.
23. At that point, I described a pink colored truncheon or pipe-like shaped device which I had observed inside DARREN WESLEY HUFF’s pickup truck.
24. I estimated the length of the object to be approximately 18 inches, and the circumference perhaps as much as 8 inches. The object was also covered with some sort of nodules.
25. Said truncheon or pipe-like shaped device was secreted in the center console storage of the pickup truck along with various work supplies, including a video designed to identify and track down vehicle transmissions, and a bottle of at least 90 weight lubrication product, such as would be suitable for greasing down a flywheel.
26. I had examined the strange object, and discovered that it contained inside itself sophisticated electronics operated by 2 batteries. It had a definite handle area, and I believe it to be some sort of dangerous weapon, much like a taser, and to be used to incapacitate a person.
27. I also described the truncheon as possessing a 3 position switch, with Off, Low, High options, and a LED-like light. I expressed my opinion that this may have been for the purposes of receiving wireless remote control activation signals.
28. The special agents asked if the device could possibly be a pipe bomb, and inquired if I had noticed any particular odor to the object.
29. I responded that come to think of it, it did have a very strong distinctive aroma, which seemed familiar, yet which I could not quite place.
30. The special agents inquired whether the odor could be ammonia-like, and I responded that it was much stronger than that. Because I have smelled Bo Peep Ammonia before, and this odor was much worse.
31. I was interrogated as to whether I had seen the words “Semtex” “RDX” or “PETN” on the device or on any other items within the vehicle.
32. I responded that I don’t read too good, particularly since I had neglected to turn on the interior lights, but I definitely remember some word with “TEX” as part of it, perhaps on a package or some wrapping.
33. At this point, the special agents became extremely agitated, and left to call somebody. They returned with a laptop computer, a printer, and the aforesaid $342 in cash. This affidavit was typed and printed out.
34. I have read all this, and I understand it, and it is all true and correct, and further I sayeth naught.
/s Lug Wrench April 17, 2010
Now, I don’t know whether this is genuine or not. Who knows? I will just report and let you decide.
Note 1. The Mysterious Truncheon Shaped Device: Many Thanks to Jack Ryan of Fogbow, who has this on his scribd!
Note 2. The Darren Huff Story. Dr.C at Obama Conspiracy Theories has this story and others about the travails of Darren Huff.