Tag Archives: Anti-Vattelites

The Book of Revelations (Update To The Birther Bible)

It Was Just Darn Hard To Stay Awake During All That Vattel And Bingham Stuff

My confidential Birther source smuggled out this latest addition to The Birther Bible. He/she/it tells me that the Birthers are beginning to feel uncomfortable with the fact that they have spent four years searching for the Smoking Gun on Obama, and have come up empty-handed. The two citizen parents Birthers aren’t doing too well, either.  Apparently, both groups feel  they need some sort of revelation to break things open for them.  Here is the latest UPDATE to The Birther Bible:


Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

The Book of Revelations

Chapter 1

1.  Lo, in the Fourth Year of The Great Struggle against The Usurper and the Anti-Vattelites, didst the faithful grow restless, and cry out for Revelation lamenting;

2.  Where art the Wise Judges who will casteth out The Usurper and bring judgment to the Anti-Vattelites?

3.  For it has been nigh unto four years, and at every turn the Judges doth reprove our teachings, and we are sent packing;

4.  The Anti-Vattelites  nameth us like unto the madmen who doth continually butteth their heads against walls of stone.

5.  And verily, we are confounded, and our heads are painful to the touch thereof.

6.  And what have we in the ways of proofs and parchments that we might cause others to believe? We haveth not even parchments from some other Kingdom which claimeth The Usurper as their own.

7.  Thus, the Anti-Vattelites mock us saying, “Bringeth forth that which thou hast in the way of proof, and put it before all the people to see.”

8.  So they dareth us, and when we canst not bringeth forth any such parchment, they mock us, saying in the manner of derision;

9. “Fools, you believeth not thine own lying eyes, for is not the truth with us, who boldly mete out our parchment, placing images thereof even upon lowly drinking vessels, which are sold for profit?”

10. Also they sayeth unto us, “Hast thou only the sound of thine own words?”;

11. “For verily thy parchments are old, and hoary with age, and pertaineth not to matters at hand, while we Anti-Vattelites have new parchments which do pertaineth, which we lay proudly before the Judges.”

12. All of this stingeth like a nest of hornets,  and it is ever more difficult to keepeth our faces straight when we speaketh;  for of a truth, wherever we seeketh respite, we are sent packing.

13. Therefore maketh unto us a Revelation, and give us mighty parchments, so that we might do equal battle with the Anti-Vattelites.

Chapter 2

1.   Then didst a teacher, learned in the ways of The Great Struggle,  speaketh; and these are the words that he spake;

2.   “Be comforted, for in the far distance is a Great Beast, and the name of the Great Beast is  Polycras.”

3.  “And on the back of Polycras is a box made of gold, and inside the box of gold is a Great Revelation and many new parchments.”

4.  And the faithful stared one at the other in confusion, and mumbled asking, “Didst we receiveth an answer to our prayers or not, for we knoweth not of this Polycras???”

5.  Then some said that Polycras needs must be the elephant, and others the ass, and others still the porcupine, which doth prick the careless with many spindles.

6.  And the teacher spake unto them saying,  “Nay, Polycras is the Beast of Many Tomorrows, and like unto a Giant Tortoise”;

7.  “But one day Polycras will arriveth,  for sure and steady is his gait, and the things which interesteth  him art few in number.”

8.  And the faithful were comforted, for yea on s0me distant morrow, a Revelation would cometh, and many new parchments, though none kneweth the day or hour.

9.  And they went forward into the land, girded now with great confidences, seeking out the Judges, and sure that this time they wouldst not be sent packing.

The Book of Lamentations (Update to The Birther Bible!!!)

By Now, The Birthers Had The “Gloom, Despair, And Agony On Me” Number Down Pat

O Happy Day!!! My confidential  Birther source smuggled out this latest addition to The Birther Bible.  He/she/it tells me that the Birthers are afraid that Sheriff Joe Arpaio is going to let them down, and that things will go badly in Pennsylvania in the Kerchner Laudenslager case.  We shall see. Here is the rest of The Birther Bible:


Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

The Book of Lamentations

Chapter 1

1. This is the Song of our Lamentation, and the sound thereof.

2. Lo, though we goeth forth into battle against the Anti-Vattelites with songs of victory,  always doth it seem we are sent packing.

3. Yea, though we goeth forth roaring like lions,  we doth return like small cats which meweth for milk in tiny voices.

4.  Our heads are anointed with Cold Waters, and bitter rains doth drench our parade.

5.  Gloom, Despair, and Agony,  doth seem to be our constant house guests, which leaveth not, and yet payeth no rent, nor buyeth any food and drink.

6. Prithee, why shouldst this day be any different?

7. Though we rise with hope at Dawn,  shall not Dusk only prosper those which wenteth long in the purchase of sackcloth?

8. Our ears doth ache from the sound of our own wailing, and our teeth are but nubs from the gnashing thereof.

9. So covered are we in ashes, that our own mothers recognizeth us not.

10. Truly it is said that we canst not win for losing.

Chapter 2.

1. Yet of all these miseries whereof I speak, none are so great or hard to bear as the glad songs of the Anti-Vattelites, who doth always seem to caper and gambol in merriment.

2. Verily, it doth seem the deeper our despair,  the greater is their happiness.

3. And the louder the sound of our Lamentations,  the more they doth laugh and sport at our expense.

4. For late in the Darkness do I often lurketh at their encampments, with a purpose to spy upon them from concealment.

5. Wherefore I can speak of these things from a truth, and with knowledge.

6. And when one doth confront the Anti-Vattelites,  concerning the outcome of some battle, this is the manner of their speech;

7. And they sayeth with false kindness, “Why didst Thou not listen unto us?” and, “Didst we not tell Thee it wouldst be so?”

8. Verily, there is a great pain in these words,  for in truth the Anti-Vattelites careth not for our suffering,  but doth take great pleasure therein.

9.  And of a truth, they didst indeed say these things unto us before the happening thereof, and we listened not, which maketh us to rub salt into our own wounds.

10. Also doth they tell of villages and those of addled wits therein, and inquire if our village doth seek us,  thinking us lost.

11. Canst any Song of Lamentation hold tears enow, when one’s enemies art rolling upon the floor in laughter?