Tag Archives: Arpaio

Scat Scratch Fever??? (Or, Ted Nugent Goes Out On A Limb!!!)

tarzan leopard woman

He Didn’t Need To Worry . . . She Was DEFINITELY Doing It For Free

Well, Ted Nugent done went and fell onto the Birther Turnip Truck.  Here is a piece of his latest rant from World Net Daily:

And with all due respect, your holy phoniness, who can’t see the terminal phoniness of wasting more tax dollars with more phony charges against George Zimmerman in defiance of your own FBI investigation and the same exhaustive evidence that proved his obvious innocence to the jury of his peers and everyone paying attention who was not blinded by your phony racism?

And we mustn’t forget your phony Nobel Peace Prize, or your phony real estate scammaster ripoff artist Tony Rezko, or your phony claims that your phony “Affordable Healthcare” scam will make our healthcare system cheaper and better when just the opposite is guaranteed.

And let’s all be honest here; more of us believe in the American hero Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s thorough investigation into your phony birth certificate and phony history than the phony media’s smoke and mirrors.


This is a shame, because Ted was on a great rant, most of which I agree with. Then, he had to go into Birther LaLa Land with the idiotic Cold Case Posse stuff. This is another case of what I call Pixel Pox, where the amount of technobabble overwhelms the senses. People tend to believe the phony report about forgery, because they do not have the time, inclination, or expertise to unravel the volume of silliness. Ted Nugent is a smart person, with good sense, and I am pretty sure that if he actually understood what is in the alleged report, and the fact that it means absolutely squat, then he would change his mind.

Sooo, Ted, if you are listening, here’s the skinny. There wasn’t any evidence of forgery. The Cold Case Posse just couldn’t duplicate the manner in which a copy of Obama’s long form was uploaded to the net. They have not proven that any piece of information on the form is false, or materially altered. In Deputy Zullo’s own words:

There is not enough evidence to convict him on jaywalking … let alone anything else.”

Please Ted, consider me the “doctor”, and consider this “the cure.”

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is from the exciting 1946 film, Tarzan and the Leopard Woman. As Wiki notes:

Tarzan and the Leopard Woman was a 1946 action film based on the Tarzan character created by Edgar Rice Burroughs and portrayed by Johnny Weissmuller. Travelers near Zambezi are being killed, apparently by leopards. Tarzan immediately doubts that leopards are the problem. At the same time, Tarzan, Jane, and Boy take in Kimba, a boy who claims to have become lost in the jungle. Kimba (Tommy Cook) is the brother of Queen Lea, leader of a leopard cult.

Kimba has a goal of his own: to take the heart of Jane (Brenda Joyce) a deed that would make him a warrior in the eyes of the cult. The Leopard Men wear leopard skins that form a cowl and cape, with iron claws attached to the back of each hand. Queen Lea (Acquanetta) wears a headband, wrist bands, ankle bands, halter top and miniskirt made of leopard skin. As “Variety” put it: “She displays plenty of what it takes to stir male interest and handles her acting chores adequately.”  The plot is summed up by these lines spoken by Tarzan (about Cheeta):

                           “If an animal can act like a man, why not a man like an animal?”

There is even an Arizona car dealer connection and some questionable birth issues!

The actress is Acquanetta (July 17, 1921 – August 16, 2004), nicknamed “The Venezuelan Volcano,” was a B-movie actress known for her exotic beauty. Although accounts differ, Acquanetta claimed she was born Burnu Acquanetta in Ozone, Wyoming. Orphaned by her Arapaho parents at the age of 2, she lived briefly with another family before being taken in by an artistic couple with whom she remained until she made the choice to live independently at the age of 15.

Acquanetta started her career as a model in New York City with Harry Conover. She signed with Universal Studios in 1942 and acted mostly in B-movies, including Tarzan and the Leopard Woman, Arabian Nights, The Sword of Monte Cristo, and Captive Wild Woman, in which Universal attempted to create a female monster movie franchise with Acquanetta as an ape.

She retired from movies in the 1950s after marrying Jack Ross, a car dealer. They settled in Mesa, Arizona, and she returned to a degree of celebrity by appearing with Ross in his local television advertisements,[4] and also by hosting a local television show called Acqua’s Corner that accompanied the Friday late-night movies. She and Ross had four children, and divorced in the 1980s.

Acquanetta also authored a book of poetry, The Audible Silence, illustrated by Emilie Touraine (Flagstaff, AZ): Northland Press, 1974. In 1987, the all-girl band The Aquanettas adopted (and adapted) their name from hers.

Note 2. The Title and Caption. This is based on lyrics from Ted Nugent’s hit, Cat Scratch Fever. As is the last sentence of the article. Scat is a nice word for “poop.” Here are the lyrics:


Note 3. Pixel Pox. See here for the first article about this condition:


A Birther Mid-Summer’s Night Dream!!!


Reed Hayes Admits To The Girl Reporter That He Never Actually Examined The Real Document

The seasons come, and the seasons go. Life is a cycle, and once again mid summer is upon us. True to ancient rituals, the Birthers are cavorting about by moonlight in the woodlands and meadows of America, and in general making asses out of themselves(see Note 3 below) . This time, the ostensible reason is that a humble Hawaiian document examiner, Reed Hayes, may topple Obama.

The story is at over at Free Republic, and ORYR, and even being spread around the Internet in various comment sections. Inhibitions lowered by untaxed spirits will drive wild mating rituals.  Roofs will be raised in barns, and trailers will be set  a’ rocking from  Georgia to Oklahoma.  Nine months hence, new little Birthers will arrive, some with names like Reed and Reedella in honor of this year’s fertility god. But, it isn’t really the Reed Hayes story that is driving all this.  Because there isn’t a story. He bases his conclusion on some online images presented him by the Cold Case Posse. This latest round pheromone pumping began over at The Western Center For Journalism:

There have been many lawsuits challenging Barack Obama’s eligibility to be President—most based on the fact that Obama is not a natural born citizen, his father being a Kenyan. Other lawsuits challenge the validity of Obama’s PDF long-form birth certificate, riddled with strange anomalies like multiple layers and eight different fonts.

The lawsuits have all crashed and burned in flames for two reasons: 1. The court hearing the lawsuits have treated the cases as a joke instead of a valid question of Constitutional requirements. And 2. The plaintiffs haven’t had Reed Hayes on their side.

Reed Hayes  is a forensic document expert who may be the man who finally brings down the Obama administration.

There is more such merriment at this link:


Here is the money quote:

Based on my observations and findings, it is clear the Certificate of Live Birth I examined is not a scan of an original paper birth certificate but a digitally manufactured document created by utilizing  material from various sources.

and a short video:

My GUESS is, that poor Reed Hayes already rues the day he ever decided he needed $50 badly enough to get in bed with Mike Zullo. Because Reed Hayes has never seen or touched the original document. And here the Birthers are, presenting him as someone who may topple the President. How is the poor man going to be able to go out in public after the Cold Case Posse heads for the Last Round Up, which ought to occur within the next few months? Because even the most stubborn Birther is getting fed up with “We are meeting with VIPs right now“, and “This is going to be REALLY BIG!“, and “Just keep sending us your money!

Particularly with Orly Taitz out there accusing Team Arpaio of having Low T, impotence,  performance anxiety, and fighting like girly-men.  There is nothing wrong with silly-season, as long as you know it’s silly. But no matter how much fun the fantasy, sooner or later you have to wake up. If I was the Birthers, I wouldn’t lose the flame-retardant long johns just yet.  And what was that Shakespeare said???

Shall we their fond documents see?
Lord, what fools these Birthers be!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is James Cagney, playing the role of Bottom, in William Shakespeare’s 1935 film, A Midsummer’s Night Dream. Unable to find funding in Great Britain, Shakespeare brought the script to Hollywood. Warner Brothers snapped it up, but after a squabble with Hal Wallis, Shakespeare was denied the right to make any script changes, and any voice at all in casting the players. As he complained later, it was like he wasn’t even there. As Wiki notes:

Directed by Max Reinhardt and William Dieterle, and starring Ian Hunter, James Cagney, Mickey Rooney, Olivia de Havilland, Joe E. Brown, Dick Powell, and Victor Jory. Produced by Henry Blanke and Hal Wallis for Warner Brothers, and adapted by Charles Kenyon and Mary C. McCall Jr. from Reinhardt’s Hollywood Bowl production of the previous year, the film is about the events surrounding the marriage of the Duke of Athens, Theseus, and the Queen of the Amazons, Hippolyta. These include the adventures of four young Athenian lovers and a group of six amateur actors, who are controlled and manipulated by the fairies who inhabit the forest in which most of the story is set. The play, which is categorized as a comedy, is one of Shakespeare’s most popular works for the stage and is widely performed across the world. Felix Mendelssohn’s music was extensively used, as re-orchestrated by Erich Wolfgang Korngold. The ballet sequences featuring the fairies were choreographed by Bronislava Nijinska.

In the forest outside Athens, Oberon (Victor Jory), the king of the fairies, and Titania (Anita Louise) his queen, are having an argument. Titania tells Oberon that she plans to stay there to attend the wedding of Duke Theseus and Hippolyta. Wanting to punish Titania’s disobedience, Oberon instructs his mischievous court jester Puck (Mickey Rooney) to retrieve a flower called “love-in-idleness”. Originally a white flower, it turns purple when struck by Cupid’s bow. When someone applies the magical love potion to a sleeping person’s eyelids, it makes the victim fall in love with the first living creature seen upon awakening. Meanwhile, the mischievous Puck turns Bottom into a donkey. When Titania wakes up and lays eyes on Bottom as a donkey, she falls in love with him.

Note 2. Midsummer’s Night. Actual Midsummer’s Night occurs within a few days of the Summer Solstice, around June 24 in most countries. In contrast, Mid-Summer occurs sometime between June 21 and September 21.

Note 3. Ass. This is NOT a bad word!!! As noted by Gershon Legman, in one of his collections, I forget which one:

There once was a girl from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass!
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think.
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass!

If you have never heard of Gershon Legman, see here:


Note 4. Other Reed Hayes articles:



Saving America With The SHERIFF Plan???

The Sheriff Plan

As Usual, The Birther’s Load Kept Coming Up A Few Bricks Shy

Well, I have heard of the MARSHALL Plan, but now it seems we have a SHERIFF Plan to repair what’s wrong with America. By getting rid of Obama. Here is an excerpt from an hysterical World Net Daily email blast:

Is the biggest Obama scandal yet about to hit?
Major new development in eligibility case promised by investigators

Every day brings a new shocking headline:

      • The Obama administration provided U.S. firearms to the drug cartels in Mexico, resulting in the deaths of two U.S. law enforcement agents and countless American and Mexican citizens, apparently in an effort to make a political case for gun control.
      • The Obama administration covered up a debacle in Benghazi that cost the lives of Ambassador Christopher Stevens and other Americans.
      • The Obama administration used the Internal Revenue Service as an attack dog against its political adversaries, including, but not limited to, the tea party movement.
    • The Obama administration even targeted its friends in the media by spying on journalists at the largest news-gathering operation in the world, the Associated Press, along with a reporter from Fox News.

Could this be just the tip of the iceberg?

Have the media begun to turn?

Why are even some of Barack Obama’s most loyal supporters beginning to have their doubts?

Why did the first post-scandal poll show some 50 percent of Americans supporting impeachment of Obama?

What would happen, in this climate, if Obama’s biggest secret ever were blown wide open for the public to see?

What is that biggest secret? It’s that Obama’s Hawaii “birth certificate” is, beyond any shadow of a doubt, a forgery – a fraud.

That scandal, too, is about to break wide open, according to investigators working within Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Cold Case Posse. They say some new earth-shattering developments will soon be announced.

***But the Cold Case Posse investigation, headed by Mike Zullo, desperately needs financial support to complete its work. ***

Here is the link to the full story at Poo Poo Simmons:


Yeah, fat chance when Zullo has already spilled the beans that the Cold Case Posse doesn’t have enough evidence to what was that Zullo said??? Oh yeah, this:

I know [Taitz] had 20-some-odd court cases on this very issue and maybe now she’s feeling very threatened,” Zullo said. “There is not enough evidence to convict him on jaywalking … let alone anything else.”


But sure, send some more money because that will automatically help upgrade that attempted jaywalking non-count to maybe full fledged jaywalking in the first degree with felonious intent. At least, that is how The Sheriff Plan works. But, the main thing is, SEND MONEY!!!

Whatever. Any Birther who buys into that is more than just a few bricks shy of a full load. Their hod is missing its bottom.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is an actual photo of a Marshall Plan in action. Well, maybe the sign has been changed a little. Wiki says this:

The Marshall Plan (officially the European Recovery Program, ERP) was the American program to aid Europe, in which the United States gave economic support to help rebuild European economies after the end of World War II in order to prevent the spread of Soviet Communism.[1] The plan was in operation for four years beginning in April 1948.[2] The goals of the United States were to rebuild a war-devastated region, remove trade barriers, modernize industry, and make Europe prosperous again.[3] The term “equivalent of the Marshall Plan” is often used to describe a proposed large-scale rescue program.[4]


For ESL’s there is a wordplay in the title on Marshall, which is also an acceptable spelling for a law man (Marshal), and a Sheriff, such as Joe Arpaio. The idiom, a few bricks shy of a full load means that one is less than reasonably intelligent. For fun, and more idioms, see here:


For those interested, here is the original photo:

Marshall Plan

The German words mean: Berlin’s Emergency Program with Marshall Plan Aid


PHOTO!!! Zullo Meets With “High” Government Official???

Zullo and High Govt Official_phixr

They Worked Overtime To Polish Off Another Cold Case

One of my anonymous Squeekarazzi got me this candid photograph of Deputy Mike “The Arizona Kid” Zullo meeting late last night with a high government official in a Washington Hotel. As she was restocking the mini-bar she overheard Zullo begging the un-named official to at least promise to hold some kind of a hearing on “it”  to “buy them a few more months.” She was not sure what the “it” was. But she was very sure that the government official was definitely “as high as a kite.”

She also said the drunk government official was probably a Republican, because he had red suspenders. The room was registered to The Cold Case Posse so she could not get the official’s name. But she said he had a badge on which looked like it said NIST(???) on it. They also gave her no tip whatsoever.

I know this article doesn’t provide much information, but it is still a lot more than what Zullo and his mouthpieces are providing. Here is a link to the story over at ObamaReleaseYourRecords, and as you can see there is nothing but a lick and a promise about the whole thing.


Which like we have said before, Team Arpaio is just jerking everybody off while getting some attention and having a good time. Ice down another case, Mike.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

The Mad Moldovan Versus Deputy Dork!!! (The Taitz v. Zullo Grudge Match)


Zullo Being Tormented By The Moldovan Crab!!!

Every spring, as the saps rise across the country, the Birthers seem to get feisty and fidgety.  There is always an undercurrent of struggle, much like animals competing for food. But it seems to intensify in the spring. They begin quarreling and fighting with each other in earnest. The male Birthers develop a strange desire to dominate and suppress the female Birthers. I would not be surprised if there was some kind of primitive rutting behavior going on.

In 2009, it was Philip Berg versus Orly Taitz:


In February 2010, it was Taitz against her former para-legal Charles Lincoln and his witness, Lucas Smith:


In 2011, there was a quiet spell. I think maybe all the Donald Trump rumblings and subsequent April 27, 2011 release of Obama’s long form birth certificate quieted the herd down. If I were doing active field research, I would hypothesize that Donald Trump took on the role of Alpha Male, and the other male Birthers backed down in submission.

Last spring,  the feuding came back to life with a vengeance. This was the Orly Taitz-Dean Haskins kerfluffle.  See the 4-Part Birther Feud Trilogy which started here:


That conflict saw an active schism develop between the ObamaReleaseYourRecords Sophisticate Sect, and the Orly Taitz Raving Fundamentalists. Now, internecine conflict has erupted again. The PPSimmons blog has fired several rounds into Taitz on behalf of Zullo and crew. Here are several examples:

Has Orly Taitz “Stepped In It?” BHO Operative? Inept? … Or National Hero?

Here is the test. For a few months now – some have speculated that Orly Taitz may, in fact, be an Obama operative. They maintain that Orly has filed numerous cases and lost everyone while at the same time claiming to be the “world’s leading authority” in the matter. Her efforts have led, they say, to an ever increasing marginalization of real Obama identity fraud investigations. The fact that she continually calls for Arpaio and Zullo to “file charges” when she, as an attorney and world expert, should know that doing so would devastate the case in a legal sense, many believe is evidence that Taitz may be working for the other side. Why, many have asked, would the world’s leading expert and attorney continually push losing cases before federal courts only to make the birthers look more and more inept? Hmmm. Yes – why? indeed.

We at PPSIMMONS wish Orly “God-speed” in this matter. If she wins this case – we will loudly blow the trumpet for Orly Taitz and thank her profusely. But, alas, we don’t think that is going to happen.

So… is Orly Taitz an Obama operative? Is she merely an inept attorney desperately seeking fame and fortune, as some have suggested? … Or is she a national hero?  We hope and pray she is proven to be the latter. At this point though, the evidence doesn’t point that way.  Stay tuned…


And this one,  which I really suspect is pheromone based:

Orly Taitz? “I smell a rat” says PPSIMMONS Contributor

By Chris Farrell

Question: I am convinced that Atty. Orly Taitz is an Obama plant; an agent working to get out in front of any given dimension of the eligibility issue and derail its progress in the courts and diffuse its truthful dissemination in the media.

Could what appears to be an advance in the District of Columbia wherein Orly is proceeding in court against the Social Security numbers that have been employed by Mister Obama/Soetoro/Soebarkah/Bounel be a subversive effort at getting out in front of the evidence and destroying its credibility–an effort on the part of the Obama camp to achieve a ruling against such evidence as credible that will undermine the presentation of any related evidence presented in front of the Alabama Supreme Court where Atty. Larry Klayman is reported to, at some time in the future, present the evidence uncovered by Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s volunteer Cold Case Posse including evidence related to Mister Obama’s fraudulent Social Security numbers?

Could Atty. Taitz’ presentation of the evidence surrounding Mister Obama’s fraudulent Social Security Numbers be nothing less than a managing by a covert agent working for Obama’s team of the public portrayal in the media of such evidence as unreliable? A close look at her presentation of the evidence will tell.
In other words: Is Atty. Taitz managing the defeat of such evidence by means of weakly presenting the evidence in such a fashion which permits its defeat as legitimate in the D.C. courtroom, thus undermining any future–as in its introduction before the Alabama State Supreme Court–presentation of the evidence or news reporting on any such presentation?

Orly Taitz, a second degree black belt in Taekwondo, is no Shy Violet, and has fired quite a few broadsides, herself. She will not back down.

I feel like the law enforcement people putting bets on the maniac treasure hunters in It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.  I guess it comes with the territory. So, my money is on Taitz! She has the legs to see this thing through to the end.  Zullo and his boys haven’t made it to court once in over a year. They are great at standing around and crowing, but when it comes to putting pencil to paper and doing something, they all seem to have other places to be.

Plus, Taitz can do her own dirty work. She doesn’t need to fight through mouthpieces. So, let’s get ready to rumble!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Wrestling Hold.  Taitz has Zullo in the Moldovan Crab hold. This  is a Rocking Horse variation of the Reverse Boston Crab.


The Moldovan Crab variation was perfected by Gypsies in the late 1700’s as a way to immobilize a victim, while an accomplice picked their pockets. Taitz, a student of Krav Maga, viciously utilizes her body weight against Zullo’s hamstrings rather than merely locking his legs with hers.  If Zullo had pockets in his wrestling costume, his wallet and valuables would be ripe pickings. This video shows the less advanced variation of this technique as utilized by Cassidy Riley against AJ Styles.

It is unlikely Zullo will be able to overcome the damage done by the hold, his legs having been effectively cut out from under him. While he may not lose his wallet, he will be physically incapable of soliciting funds for a considerable length of time.

Note 2. Intergender Wrestling: Some people may not believe that Intergender Wrestling actually occurs as an organized activity outside of bedrooms and back seats, but as this video clearly shows, it was an established sport by 1981. Mr. Andrew Kaufman, who may or may not be dead,  was the first champion. He can be distinguished from Deputy Zullo above by his lack of a mustache. Here is his match against The Red Snapper!

Note 3. Sexual Components of Intergender Wrestling.: Actually, Intergender Wrestling has a long history, with and without sexual components. Time and space limit the discussion to Andrew Kaufman who, as reported by Brian Nemtusak:

Zmuda set up Kaufman’s first private wrestling match in 1978, actually a contest between two female friends based on a rumor that Elvis had a wrestling fetish. Kaufman ended up wrestling and sleeping with one of them, which would become the formula for hundreds of subsequent conquests. Zmuda and Kaufman soon incorporated “intergender wrestling” into Kaufman’s act, initially on college tours and then on SNL. Neither author makes excuses for Kaufman–for him, wrestling was a turn-on and, even in the context of his show, a shtick for getting laid. (Midway through most matches Kaufman would invite his opponent to join him after the show, and according to Zmuda about a third of them weren’t hard to convince; eventually Kaufman would install a wrestling mat next to his bed.) But wrestling was also another childhood passion that perfectly matched his choreographed fakery and manufactured conflict, well suited to stoking the audience’s scorn. Only the sexist goading was entirely phony, yet it polarized his fans as never before and generated a backlash that would only begin with demands that Kaufman wrestle a man.


World Famous Brazilian Expert Examines The Long Form Image!!!

John Woodman Trekked Deep Into The Brazilian Tropical Rain Forest In His Quest For A World Class Expert

In a search that took him across the globe, John Woodman, author of Is Barack Obama’s Birth Certificate A Fraud,  managed to find a world class computer expert to examine the pdf image of Obama’s long form birth certificate. Here is a teaser, and the rest is at the link below:

As I examined patents and technical papers written on MRC compression, one name in particular seemed to pop up again and again — that of Ricardo de Queiroz.

Ricardo de Queiroz is one of the primary fathers of this entire technology.

The very first “mixed raster content” patent in the United States was granted to Leon Bottou and Yann Andre LeCun… But the 2nd, 4th, 5th, 7th, 8th, and 13th patents were granted to Ricardo de Queiroz and his team. That’s about half of the first dozen or so patents. And some of his team members and students have also gone on to further develop the technology.

In addition, Professor de Queiroz appears again and again as an author of the available technical papers on MRC compression.

Now there are certainly many other individuals who have contributed to the development of this technology; and several in particular have made really big contributions. But I decided, based on what I read in the patent filings and technical papers, that if I were going to contact one expert in the world on this particular technology, the person I would pick would be Ricardo de Queiroz.

So I contacted him. And Dr. de Queiroz was gracious enough to reply — for which I thank him. In clarifying what compression technology is capable of, he has rendered a genuine service to all who have held any interest in this controversy.

World Class Computer Expert Evaluates Obama’s Birth Certificate PDF

This is a fascinating Internet Article and you should read it! While technical, it is still very understandable.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. Interestingly, Tropical Rain Forests have layers, too:

A tropical rainforest has four distinct layers

Emergent layer
Under story
Forest floor

From this website:


A Virtual Birtherfest!!! (Or, A Ticket To Deride)

Birther Judy, from Buckshot, Arizona, Was So Very Glad She Came

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am very disappointed that the Birtherfest planned for September, 22, 2012 had to be called off for lousy ticket sales. Falling on the Pagan holiday of Mabon, or Harvest Home, I was really expecting some fireworks. Well, I am just not going to take it lying down. Sooo, Girl Reporter Productions proudly presents:

                  The Virtual BirtherFest

Ring Master: First,  to get things off on the right foot, Mr. Pat Boone, doing his hit song Crazy Train:

Ring Master: Wasn’t that something else? And next, to introduce the Hero of Leavenworth, Col. Terry Lakin, and discuss Terry’s wonderful book, Officer’s Oath, is Texan LoneStar1776, aka Rudy Davis:

LoneStar1776: And now, here is Colonel Terry Lakin appearing from the studios of the The Manning Report:

Ring Master: Wasn’t that exciting!!! Now, the one and only Pat Boone, showing off another one of his many talents!

Ring Master: Wasn’t that hilarious! Let’s have another big round of applause for Pat Boone!

Ring Master: And now, a few words from Sheriff Joe Arpaio, courtesy of AMTV:

Ring Master: Wasn’t that inspiring??? Now we have CitizenPatriot Tom Ballantyne with a brief speech from his gun shop:

Now, Mr. Pat Boone performing a medley of songs to entertain you:

Ring Master: Wasn’t that special??? Now, for our final speaker of the day, we have Hollywood Movie Producer Bettina Viviano appearing courtesy of WND TV:

Ring Master: Wasn’t that scary good??? Now, all the speeches are over and it’s time for the  meet and greet and dance!

                       The End.

The After Party Report

Sooo, now everybody headed over to the hotel next door. All the City Birthers were having a good time, chilling, getting their groove on, and making their hook-ups for the evening when Country Birfer, who can’t afford a ticket, showed up and made like a giant buzz kill. He got drunk and started throwing furniture around, so management called the cops:

Country Birfer Underestimated The Drinks With The Little Umbrellas

Thankfully, the Cold Case Posse handled him, but then, just when the  party was getting back on track,  a rowdy motorcycle gang showed up:

The Leader Of The Pack Starts Picking On Sam Sewell

A drunk Pat Boone insulted their “leather” and challenged them to a fight:

Pat Boone Didn’t Have Any Brass Knuckles, But He Figured His Rings Would Work Just As Well

And the whole thing ended up outside in a giant mud fight:

The Birthers Had A Natural Advantage In The Mud

Birthers wallowing in the mud. How apropos!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. Problems. Orly Taitz showed up and demanded to speak, but was told there was no way to fit her in. She is adding the organizers to her massive lawsuit as defendants. Be sure to click on the picture. It’s animated, in addition to having an Easter Egg.:

Orly Didn’t Believe There Was No Way To Fit Her In

Note 2. Link. Here is a link to the story about the cancellation of this event:


Note 3. Ticket & Refund Policy

Our policy is NO Refunds and NO Exchanges for tickets purchased either online or in person. Admission to this show is guaranteed for as long as WordPress hosts this website. Must be 18 years or older to attend, unless accompanied by an adult. The Birther Think Tank is not responsible for any brain damage caused by any of the material herein.

The Curse Of Wong Kim Ark!!! (Or, No Tickee, No Birfapalooza)

Few Man Choose To Buy Tickets To The Birther Event???

Apparently, The Curse of Wong Kim Ark has struck once again, and a Birther event has been cancelled due to a lack of interest. And a lack of ticket sales. First, it was The Birther Summit back in March, and now it is:

(Click image to enlarge.)


Oh my, another epic Birther flop. Perhaps the Tea Party should just concentrate on politics and leave the stupid Birther crap alone??? Are you listening, Mark Gillar??? And to think this all started out sooo grand:

Anyway, we tracked down one of the nine ticket purchasers, who wishes to remain anonymous for the time being. He tells us that he has retained Dr. Orly Taitz, Esq. to file suit to get back the money he spent on clothes for the event:

Thinking Ahead, The Birther Even Bought A Flashlight So He Could Find His Butt In The Dark With Both Hands

Darn! I was really looking forward to reporting on this event.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is from the 1932 film, The Mask of Fu Man Chu, starring Boris Karloff and Myrna Loy. Wiki says, in part:

The Mask of Fu Manchu is a Pre-Code adventure film released in 1932, featuring Boris Karloff as Fu Manchu and Myrna Loyas his daughter. The movie revolves around Fu Manchu’s quest for the sword and mask of Genghis Khan. Lewis Stone plays his nemesis. Directed by Charles Brabin, it is considered the best of the Fu Manchu films produced in the 1930s.

Hint. There is more than one Easter Egg in this one.

Note 2. Links. I wrote two Internet Articles about this event.  Maybe the whole Human Sacrifice thing in the second one had some effect on ticket sales???



Note 3. Chinese Pidgin English  Wiki has an interesting short Internet Article about pidgin Chinese, which includes the “no tickee, no washee” thing I found at one of the links:

A Chinese woman living on the remote Salmon River in central Idaho is reported as finding humor in “Uncle Josh in a Chinese Laundry” as played on a neighbor’s wind-up phonograph about 1917.[20] Yankee humorist Cal Stewart performed as Uncle Josh Weathersby, resident of the small New England town of Pumpkin Centre. The dialect story was published in Uncle Josh’s Punkin Centre Stories (1903).[21] In this story, Uncle Josh is visiting New York and inquires about laundry services. He is directed to a nearby Chinese laundry:

So I told him I’d like to git him to do some washin’ fer me, and he commenced a talkin’ some outlandish lingo, sounded to me like cider runnin’ out of a jug, somethin’ like–ung tong oowong fang kai moi oo ung we, velly good washee. Wall I understood the last of it and jist took his word fer the rest, so I giv him my clothes and he giv me a little yeller ticket that he painted with a brush what he had, and I’ll jist bet a yoke of steers agin the holler in a log, that no livin’ mortal man could read that ticket; it looked like a fly had fell into the ink bottle and then crawled over the paper.

Not recognizing the ticket as his claim, and misdirected by a city slicker, Josh cannot produce the ticket when he calls for his laundry. The phrase “No tickee, no washhee” is not included. In spite of the laundryman’s protestations, Josh assaults him, and runs off with somebody else’s shirts, a part of the laundryman’s queue, with the laundryman yelling for the police behind him. Uncle Josh, as the rube, is gulled by the city slicker (by implication) and takes out his frustration on the innocent laundryman. I found this not much funnier with Stewart’s nasal Yankee dialect and characteristic laugh as part of the delivery.[22]

Mieder records the earliest documented use of “No tickee, no washee” as 1931[23]; which seems to be a half-century or so later than one would think. Because it is such a central concept to Cal Stewart’s dialect story, it is surprising he did not use the phrase. Does that mean that its use did not become widespread until after 1903 and before 1931? This would be contrary to the general expectation that the phrase originated in the late nineteenth century, probably in California.[24]



Note 4.  The Birther Clothes Image. This is actually Jackie Gleason playing Ralph Kramden in The Honeymooners, an old timey TV show. This episode is The Man From Space, and I found this blurb, at the link below where you can watch the whole episode:

The Man from Space 1955

Determined to win a $50 prize for “best costume” at the Raccoon’s annual Halloween party, Ralph tries to wheedle ten bucks out of Norton so that he can rent a Henry the Eighth outfit. But Norton also wants to rent a costume and turns Ralph down. Declaring war on Ed, Ralph decides to construct his own elaborate costume out of furniture and kitchen utensils. But Ralph’s jerry-built “Martian” outfit is no match for the winning costume — and we aren’t about to tell you what that is. Among other things, this episode reveals that Ed Norton’s personal idol is Pierre Francois de la Brioche, the man who designed and constructed the sewers of Paris (or so Ed thinks!). First telecast on December 31, 1955, “The Man from Space” was written by A.J. Russell and Herbert Finn.

Retroflix Honeymooners Episodes

One Nice Thing About Sheriff Joe Arpaio

From The Way The Hay Was Loaded, His Experts Assured Him There Was Definitely A Needle In There Somewhere

Well, it occurred to me that I am always saying bad things about the Birthers, poking fun at them, and hurting their feelings. If I am not careful I will probably become cynical and mean over time. Sooo, I figure every once in a while I ought to say something nice about the Birthers just to keep in practice. This is not going to be easy, but here I go.

ONE NICE THING about Sheriff Joe Arpaio is that he is NOT one of those stupid, idiotic, delusional, brain-dead, lying, quack-lawyer, dumb a$$, two citizen parents Birthers who goes around spouting off that God Awful silly drivel about Emerich de Vattel and citing ridiculous pre-Wong Kim Ark cases while pretending that Minor v. Happersett is precedent and ignoring all the current case law, and insulting my intelligence in the process, like some kind of moronic, mindless, lobotomized DORK!!!

Whew. I feel better already. I need to do this more often. It is good for the soul.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Princess Miki Gets A Commitment!!! (But Don’t Cheer Just Yet)

Sarah Bernhardt Playing The Lead In “Memoirs Of A Community Organizer From Hawaii”

Well, the story over at ObamaReleaseYourRecords started off really good:

Miki Booth gets a commitment from Senator Tom Coburn

and for that fleeting second I had the feeling that somebody finally locked the crazy Birther up. There were visions of Princess Miki in a strait jacket and padded cells. Maybe even electro-shock therapy. Yes, there is a God, and Justice, and a team of mental health professionals!!!  And  then, the Idyllic Vision evaporated as I got to the next part:

Miki Booth gets a commitment from Senator Tom Coburn
to contact Sheriff Joe Arpaio about Obama’s ineligibility

OH! What a letdown.  She is still on the loose and babbling about forged birth certificates and idiotic pseudo-investigations, and her stupid book. Whatever happened to the good old days when Hawaiian Princesses just quietly did a half-gainer into a volcano to save their people??? Nowadays, they write stupid books, blather on radio talk shows, harass public officials, and just make a general nuisance of themselves.

Anyway, here is a link to the story:


I can imagine the half-hearted phone call from Senator Coburn to Sheriff Joe and the strained conversation as Coburn tries to pretend he isn’t talking to an idiot on the other of the line. If you live in Oklahoma, Coburn deserves both your vote and hazardous duty pay for doing stuff like this.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is Sarah Bernhardt playing Phedre (Phaedra), if I have my pictures right.  Wiki says about Phedre:

The genealogy of Phèdre gives a number of indications as to her character’s destiny. Descended from Helios, god of the Sun, and Pasiphaë, she nevertheless avoids being in the judgmental presence of the sun throughout the play. The simultaneous absence of a god-figure combined with the continual presence of one has been extensively explored in Lucien Goldmann’s Le Dieu caché. This sense of patriarchal judgment is extended to Phèdre’s father, Minos, who is responsible for weighing the souls of the dead upon their arrival in Hades.

Phèdre is right to fear judgment; she is driven to an incestual love for her stepson Hippolytus, much like the other women in her family, who tended to experience desires generally considered taboo. Her mother, Pasiphaë was cursed by Aphrodite to fall in love and mate with a white bull, giving rise to the legendary Minotaur. Phèdre meets Theseus, her future husband, when he arrives on the Minoan scene to kill her monstrous half-brother, the minotaur.