Tag Archives: attorney

He Says Apuzzo, I Say A PAZZO!!!

la bete

Apuzzo Was Pretty Sure This Wasn’t A French Poodle

First, why do I say a “PAZZO”??? In Italian, “pazzo” as a noun means a madman, lunatic, or bedlamite. As a phrase, “pazzo” means “off one’s rocker.” Some of the adjectival meanings are even more fun, including, but not limited to, “moony” and “batty.” If you don’t believe me, there is a Google Translate screenshot, redacted for sizing, at Note 2. below:

Next, I need to explain why I prefer the Apazzo  pronunciation and spelling. Here is a link to his latest bit of drooling:


Once again he dives head first into a four inch deep pool of Aristotelian Logic to critique one, Bob Quasius of Cafe Con Leche Republicans

“The citizenship of Ted Cruz’s father is irrelevant. Ted Cruz was born a citizen of the United States based upon his mother’s citizenship and many years of residency in the U.S., per the federal statutes in effect at the time Ted Cruz was born. A natural born citizen is one who was born a citizen, as compared to someone not born a citizen and naturalized. Ted Cruz was born a citizen, and therefore he’s a natural born citizen.”


The purpose of this article is not to discuss all that is substantively incorrect with Apuzzo’s argument. I will save that for a future post.  To show the problems with his logic it is only necessary to lift the legal covers enough to properly frame the issue.  Since Poor Mario spends a lot of time jumping up and down about an 1875 U.S. Supreme Court case, Minor v. Happersett, let’s use it to set the stage:

Additions might always be made to the citizenship of the United States in two ways: first, by birth, and second, by naturalization. This is apparent from the Constitution itself, for it provides that “no person except a natural-born citizen, or a citizen of the United States at the time of the adoption of the Constitution, shall be eligible to the office of President,”and that Congress shall have power “to establish a uniform rule of naturalization.” Thus new citizens may be born or they may be created by naturalization.

It is clear that the Minor Court views citizenship as natural born versus naturalized, since by 1875  most of those alive 88 years earlier on September 17, 1787 had died.  What really wads up Apuzzo’s pantaloons is this statement from the 2011 Maskell Congressional Research Service  memorandum, wherein the :

The weight of legal and historical authority indicates that the term ‘natural born’ citizen would mean a person who is entitled to U.S. citizenship ‘by birth’ or ‘at birth,’ either by being born ‘in’ the United States and under its jurisdiction, even those born to alien parents; by being born abroad to U.S. citizen-parents; or by being born in other situations meeting legal requirements for U.S. citizenship ‘at birth.’”  In this memo, he also added:  “there is no Supreme Court case which has ruled specifically on the presidential eligibility requirements, although several cases have addressed the term ‘natural born’ citizen. And this clause has been the subject of several legal and historical treatises over the years, as well as more recent litigation.

See the Natural Born Citizenship link in the website header above for the entire memo.  All that Maskell says is that most legal authorities think if you are a citizen at birth, then you are a natural born citizen. The Minor Court seemed to adopt the same view. That is a logical conclusion since the whole purpose for such laws in the first place was the desire of Congress (or before Congress, English kings and English parliaments) to extend the same rights of citizenship to those Americans born overseas as they would have had if they had been born inside the country. I would feel comfortable making that argument in court.

To attack this conclusion Apuzzo resorts once again to the FORMS and STRUCTURES of logical arguments. Here is what he does:

First, as to the formal logical fallacy, let us break down what Maskell and Quasius actually said into its logical form.  I will use the following symbols:  Natural born Citizen=NBC, and Citizen at birth=CAB

All NBCs are CABs.
All persons like Ted Cruz (born in Canada to a U.S “citizen” mother and non-U.S. “citizen” father) are CABs.
Therefore, all persons like Ted Cruz are NBCs.

First, it is a tautology to argue that a “natural born Citizen” is a born citizen.  Second, this argument commits the fallacy of affirming the consequent (affirming that one is a CAB does not prove that one is a NBC).  Third, this argument suffers from fallacy in that it violates the rule of the undistributed middle (the middle term CABs is not distributed in either the major or minor premise meaning the term has not been defined as belonging or not belonging within the class of NBCs).  So, while the major and minor premises are both true, the conclusion, which equates a CAB to a NBC is false.  We should see intuitively that the conclusion does not follow from the two premises.  An easy way to see the invalidity of the argument is the following:

All poodles are dogs.
Bubbles is a dog.
Therefore, Bubbles is a poodle.

We know that this argument is not valid because, with dogs being comprised of more than just poodles, Bubbles can be a German Shepherd or some other type of dog.

Poodles??? The first thing that Apuzzo screws up is the form of such statements which is usually. Any undistributed middle is by his own hand.  Let us obtain the proper logical FORM from here:


A properly constructed syllogism consists of a major premise, a minor premise, and a conclusion. The conclusion has a subject (S) and a predicate (P) which are derived from the premises. The major premise addresses the predicate, the minor premise addresses the subject and the two premises share a minor (or middle) term (M) which connects them. For example:

Major premise:  All M are P.

Minor premise: All S are M.

Conclusion:        All S are P.

Let’s compare this with Apuzzo’s form!  Let M = poodles, P = dogs,  S=Bubbles

                          Proper Logical Form         Apuzzo Logical Form

Major Premise        All M are P                             All M are P
Minor Premise       All S are M                              All S are P
Conclusion              All S are P                               All P are M

Major Premise       All poodles are dogs              All poodles are dogs
Minor Premise       Bubbles is a poodle               Bubbles is a dog
Conclusion              Bubbles is a dog                     Bubbles is a poodle

Properly executed, you discover that Bubbles is both a poodle and a dog.  In Mario Universe, assuming that Bubbles is a pit bull,  then you end up giving a small child a pit bull for Christmas.  But, even if Bubbles were a poodle, it would simply be a lucky guess because of the FORM.  Apuzzo’s form is logically invalid and can not be relied upon to provide true answers.

Now, lets assume that Apuzzo is wrong about CABs and NBCs and that they are both exactly the same thing as believed by Maskell and the Great Weight of Legal and Historical Authority. Then let’s put the matter to the logic test in proper logical form:

Major premise:       All NBCs are CABs
Minor premise:      Cruz is an NBC
Conclusion:             Therefore, Cruz is a CAB

Major premise:       All CABs are NBCs
Minor premise:       Cruz is a CAB
Conclusion:              Therefore, Cruz is an NBC.

Yes, I can live with either conclusion. Neither strikes me as being facially incorrect, invalid, or untrue. It would all depend on the truthfulness of the premises. For example, if a court ruled that all CAB are NOT NBC’s, then Cruz may or may not be an NBC. Which brings you to the second big problem with Apuzzo’s whole approach to this thing. Which is, his whole approach to this thing.

Not only was his logical form screwed up, but the entire process of using syllogisms to provide an answer or enlightenment in this case is logically of little probative value.  That is because it is the major premises themselves which are at issue. Are all natural born citizens also citizens at birth? Are all citizens at birth natural born citizens?  If the major premise is incorrect, then the correctness of any  conclusion arrived at as a result of that error would fall into the Lucky Guess category. Amazingly, Apuzzo gets to this exact same point when he says:

Second, now let us examine the informal fallacy of the Maskell/Quasius statement.  Now we will test the truth of the major and minor premises of the argument.  To do that, we need to help Maskell and Quasius a little by converting their invalid argument into a valid one.  Here we go:

All CABs are NBCs.
All persons like Ted Cruz are CABs.
All persons like Ted Cruz are NBCs.

This argument is valid because if the major and minor premises are true, the conclusion must be true.  But while the argument is valid as to its logical form, it is not sound, meaning that the major or minor premise or both are false.  This adjusted Maskell argument is not sound because its major premise is false.

Yeah. Duh. If one’s major premise is screwed up, the conclusion may or may not be screwed up, but one is logically incapable of determining that fact from the form of the argument itself.  One can construct valid arguments based on false premises and resulting in silly or sane conclusions all day long and end up nowhere. Sooo, what does Mario Apazzo, Esq. do after reaching this state of enlightenment???

Does he say to himself, “Well, CRAP!  This process is getting me nowhere fast. Maybe I need to do a re-write because whatever I syllogism out is going to be totally dependent on the truth of the premises  the person uses. Which is what we’re all fussing about in the first place. Back to the drawing board!”

OH Hell No!!! He goes on to construct a whole new set of major and minor premises and starts syllogizing all over again.  He isn’t destroying Maskell or  Quasius with LOGIC. . . He admitted  himself that using logical forms doesn’t work unless one accepts the underlying premises. So all he is doing is just spouting off his opinion and glossing it over with some if, thens, equals, and therefores like he is Mr. Logic or something.

He’s PAZZO for doing it, PAZZO for doing it wrong, and PAZZO for thinking nobody would notice.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. Also see this from Wiki:


Note 2: Pazzo, in translation:

pazzo translate

Note 3. The Image. This is La Bete, the Beast, from the French film, La Belle et La Bete (1946). This is an absolutely beautiful and fantastic film and if you have never seen it, please remedy that. Here is a little about it from Wiki:

Beauty and the Beast (French: La Belle et la Bête) is a 1946 French romantic fantasy film adaptation of the traditional fairy tale of the same name, written by Jeanne-Marie Le Prince de Beaumont and published in 1757 as part of a fairy tale anthology (Le Magasin des Enfants, ou Dialogues entre une sage gouvernante et ses élèves, London 1757). Directed by French poet and filmmaker Jean Cocteau, the film stars Josette Day as Belle and Jean Marais.

The plot of Cocteau’s film revolves around Belle’s father who is sentenced to death for picking a rose from Beast’s garden. Belle offers to go back to the Beast in her father’s place. Beast falls in love with her and proposes marriage on a nightly basis which she refuses. Belle eventually becomes more drawn to Beast, who tests her by letting her return home to her family and telling her that if she doesn’t return to him within a week, he will die of grief.

Upon the film’s December 1947 New York City release, critic Bosley Crowther called the film a “priceless fabric of subtle images,…a fabric of gorgeous visual metaphors, of undulating movements and rhythmic pace, of hypnotic sounds and music, of casually congealing ideas”; according to Crowther, “the dialogue, in French, is spare and simple, with the story largely told in pantomime, and the music of Georges Auric accompanies the dreamy, fitful moods. The settings are likewise expressive, many of the exteriors having been filmed for rare architectural vignettes at Raray, one of the most beautiful palaces and parks in all France. And the costumes, too, by Christian Bérard and Escoffier, are exquisite affairs, glittering and imaginative.”[2] According to Time magazine, the film is a “wondrous spectacle for children of any language, and quite a treat for their parents, too”; but the magazine concludes “Cocteau makes about a half-hour too much of a good thing—and few things pall like a dream that cannot be shaken off.”[3]

In 1999, Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger Ebert added the film to his “Great Movies” list, calling it “one of the most magical of all films” and a “fantasy alive with trick shots and astonishing effects, giving us a Beast who is lonely like a man and misunderstood like an animal.”[4] A 2002 Village Voice review found the film’s “visual opulence” “both appealing and problematic”, saying “Full of baroque interiors, elegant costumes, and overwrought jewelry (even tears turn to diamonds), the film is all surface, and undermines its own don’t-trust-a-pretty-face and anti-greed themes at every turn.”[5] In 2010, the film was ranked #26 in Empire magazine’s “100 Best Films of World Cinema”.[6]


This also explains the Image Easter egg.

Feet of Klay (And Idol Hands)

Unlike His Older Brother, Ozymandias, Young Larry's Story Had No Legs

We must be doomed to live in interesting times.  For LO,  a new lawyer has emerged from the Birther Pit, his head bloody, but unbowed.  His name is Larry Klayman and his coming out party is being held at the World Net Daily Playhouse.  His battle cry rings across the land, no doubt sending a thrill up the leg of Patriots everywhere:

The framers of our Constitution were very wise in one respect in particular. These Founding Fathers, themselves born overseas, understood that “foreign influences” could pervert the thinking and actions of the president of the United States. They therefore wrote into the Constitution the provision that he be a “natural born citizen,” that is, be born to two American parents. Before the election of Hussein Obama, few scholars focused on this requirement, as never before have we seen a president so influenced by his father’s foreign heritage. But with Obama, we now can understand more fully the logic and wisdom of the framers. “Our president” simply is not an “American” at heart, nor a natural born citizen, and his actions speak even louder than his Kenyan Muslim roots.

Given the prospect that Obama will win another four years to destroy the nation by continuing to try to mold it in a manner his anti-colonial, socialist and Muslim Kenyan father would have been proud of, it is incumbent on all of us to use every legal means to remove this scourge from our body politic. This means pursuing every “legal means” to have courts declare that Hussein Obama is not eligible to be president of the United States.

With God’s grace, perhaps the American people can find one judge who has he guts to do what needs to be done: order that Hussein Obama cannot be our president.

So, with this mission in mind, along with other patriots, I pledge my sacred honor to file as many lawsuits as are necessary, in as many states as seem prudent, to try to find this one judge who will help us save the nation and the world.

Stay tuned. Our legal crusade may be a long shot given the compromised state of the judiciary, but we have no choice. We must do all we can to avert a disastrous four more years of this un-American president!


Klayman has been around for many years. Wiki says:

He is known as the founder and former Chairman of Judicial Watch, a public interest and non-profit law firm, which attained notoriety through the initiation of 18 civil lawsuits against the Clinton Administration, and later an unsuccessful lawsuit against Vice-President Dick Cheney in order to obtain information about the White House’s energy task force.

Unlike other websites, The Birther Think Tank is not concerned with some of his personal problems. Nobody is perfect. The relevant thing is, that he has entered the Birther Fray, on the side of ignorance and absurdity, and his chances are, as he said, a long shot.  Things are worse than he suspects for even if he finds his one judge,  a judge that will buy into the two citizen-parent foolishness, he still has to prevail on appeal. So that is 3 judges at least. Then when he loses, an en banc appeal, with let’s assume 9 judges.  Then to appeal that loss to SCOTUS, with 9 judges, who will not hear the appeal because the Birther stuff is nonsense. Let’s see. How many judges is that? 1 + 3 + 9 + 9 = 22 judges, more or less.  A tough row to hoe.

The term,  feet of clay, is from the Bible. Wiki says it is:

. . . a reference to the interpretation of the dream of Nebuchadnezzar,  King of  Babylon by the prophet Daniel which is recounted in the  Book of Daniel.

Thou, O king, sawest, and behold a great image. This great image, whose brightness was excellent, stood before thee; and the form thereof was terrible.

This image’s head was of fine gold, his breast and his arms of silver, his belly and his thighs of brass,
His legs of iron, his feet part of iron and part of clay. (Daniel 2:31-33)

Of course, with feet made of clay and iron, the top-heavy Idol flops over and crashes. The term is often used to refer to a weakness or character flaw, especially in people of high station. But the problem here isn’t really the people. It’s with the Idol. It is Birtherism which has the feet of clay. I don’t want to say what the rest of it is made from, but it is organic, and it isn’t pleasant to step in.

I suspect Klayman has been brought on board to provide a more respectable veneer for the Birther cause. His mascara seldom runs, and with all due respect to Orly Taitz, his voice doesn’t sound like Natasha from the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons. But, just like a cheap Esteban guitar,  he won’t be able to stay in tune  for very long before The House of The Rising Sun starts to sound like an extended mix version of composer Charles Ives’Bronx Cheer.” (Found at 9:08 into the 5th Movement of his Second Symphony.)  Which I guess is kind of appropriate considering that Klayman promises he is gwine to run all night and gwine to run all day.

But his fate is already sealed. Klayman will fail no matter how hard he tries. No matter how many suits he files. No matter how much World Net Daily rouses the Birther Rabble. Like all the other Birther lawyers he will get his turn to play Captain of the Costa Concordia, waving to the adoring crowds on shore, as he founders on the Reefs of Reality. Then, like an old episode of the Twilight Zone, he will reprise that role into the foreseeable future.

In the end, all the Birther Lawyers will have the same number of victories – ZERO.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image and Caption. Based on the poem, Ozymandias, by Percy Shelley.

OZYMANDIAS (by Percy Bysshe Shelley)

I MET a Traveler from an antique land,
Who said, “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is OZYMANDIAS, King of Kings.”
Look on my works ye Mighty, and despair!
No thing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that Colossal Wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

The Easter Egg, it’s just a flesh wound, is from Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

Note 2. Bronx Cheer. Urban Dictionary describes it as:

A sign of contempt, usually when you stick your tongue between your lips, and you blow though them, resulting in a loud, blubbering, and flatulent noise.

Here is a link to Charles Ive’s 2nd Symphony, 5th Movement.  You’ll hear where De Camptown Races reference comes from.

Note 3. Esteban Guitars:  Like with the Birthers, there seems to be some quality control issues and some organized puffery designed to cover up or excuse those problems. Like Klayman above preemptively blaming the judges for losses before he has even gotten into court.  The really hilarious Esteban reviews  disappeared from Harmony Central. My guess is that several readers died of laughter and the website was afraid of lawsuits.  Anyway, here are a few stray reviews I scrounged up:

I just received one of the Esteban signature models, and it absolutely put my guitar to shame. I mean, the inscrutable “wisdom of the East” workmanship, the testicle-busting resonant tone, the drop-dead (in the alley) finish, the freshly cut aged greenish wood, the classic Ginsu fret work, the infinitely variable pitch tuning. So, I sold my 1927 Martin 0-45 at my garage sale for $57 after getting the Estebsn. Who needed that POS Martin, anyway?

I returned this guitar after the frets fell off. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND EVERYTHING HOLY….. DO NOT BUY THIS GUITAR.

I cut my fingers on the frets. I had to spend Christmas morning in the emergency room getting stitches. The doctors looked at me like I was a complete lunatic, since I was covered in blood and paint from the fretboard, and screaming about how Esteban ruined my Christmas.

My daughter bought it. She played it for a couple weeks. Then one day I arrived home from work and there it was hanging from a tree limb minus strings. She got so ticked off that she decided to turn it into a bird house. So far after 6 weeks in the tree no birds have moved in, but there is bird crap all over it.

It’s no wonder the guy [Esteban]disguises himself.


For some reason when I play a G (fifth fret) on the D string while the guitar is hooked up to its amp, the string just starts vibrating out of control. It is really strange, and something I have never seen before.

I just received my Esteban guitar. He actually signed it. This thing is now worth a fortune. Besides the cardboard neck and the frets being made out of licorice this baby is great. Except it doesn’t stay in tune and the balsa wood is rotting but I’m extremely happy. (Because I just took a painkiller)

This guitar would make a nice home for a hamster. It could gnaw some holes in the side of it and probably enjoy living there.

There are also some good Esteban reviews out there at the link below,  but as this person noticed, it is  possible that some of them may be puffery. Like the Birther claim that these darn judges just can’t appreciate a good eligibility lawsuit when they see one.:

HOW TO SPOT PLANTED REVIEWS Many of the 4/5 star reviews claim to be from individuals that have been playing guitar for 30/40+ years. This is meant to give you an impression of expertise. If someone you knew had 30 to 40 years worth of experience in an area you knew little about wouldn’t you trust their opinion? Well, that’s exactly what they want you to do.

On a side note, I also need to mention, I spend a lot of time on several review sites and I find a surprisingly high concentration of users here claiming to have 30/40+ years of experience. Many of the 4/5 star reviews make sure to mention exactly how much you get when you buy the guitar. “You don’t just get a guitar. You get extra strings, hard case, picks, strap, allen key…” and of course there’s the “for only…” part. Regular people don’t talk or write like that, but marketers do.

Another thing you’re going to notice is that many 4/5 star reviews say something like “I can’t believe all the negative reviews” or “I can’t get over how many negative reviews I am seeing”. This is meant to acknowledge what you’ll see anyways (the bad reviews), but persuade you into thinking that the negative reviews are not valid based the particular reviewer’s overwhelmingly positive opinion. Regular people don’t have a natural preoccupation with negative product reviews, but marketers do.

Finally, you’re going to notice certain idiosyncratic tendencies in the language of the reviews. For one, there are several reviews from supposedly different people that all spell the word “guitar” as “quitar”. A Freudian slip? Look at your keyboard right now… As you can see the the “g” and “q” keys are nowhere near each other. This tells us that these “folks” don’t know how to spell the word. It wasn’t a simple wrong key press. So what are the odds that 4 happy people from different places, on the same site misspell the same word in the same awkward way? Not very high if you ask me. Be careful.