In A Happier Time, Being A Space Cadet Was A Good Thing
How are you? Fine I hope. I was reading your letter about your book, and I have some unsolicited advice for you. Let me give you an analogy. Suppose for a moment you are the editor, and it is your money that will be used to publish books. Then suppose that someone writes you a letter which says:
My book, How To Make Safe 25% Returns Per Year On Your Stock Market Picks, has received outstanding reviews from members of The Young Investors Club of New York. I have been called “The Warren Buffet of Greater Sandusky” in a newspaper article for developing this safe and sure-fire method to earn these high returns.
Now so far, so good, right? The writer has your attention and you are interested. Heck, you’re even thinking about hocking your jewelry so you can invest. Now for paragraph 2:
I was taught this method by aliens from the Galaxy, Grokk 7, located 3,000 light years from Earth. I was abducted from the weekly Moon Landing Deniers meeting (of which I am the local coordinator) and taken to the Uranus Space Base, where I was probed every which way but loose. Afterward, while sharing a drink, one of the Aliens, named Brizzibbit, showed me how to use superior Alien technology to psychically forecast moves in the Stock Market.
Now, somewhere in paragraph 2, I am betting the writer lost you. Probably before you could get to the Uranus Space Base. The reason is that the writer revealed herself to be a crank. Because only cranks believe stuff like this. This is a classic example of TMI – Too Much Information.
This is probably why your book is not doing so well. Now, let’s look at your letter.
… February 15, 2012
My book, Memoirs of a Community Organizer from Hawai’i, debuted on Thursday, February 9 at CPAC the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, DC, to outstanding reviews. My work is the product of three years of investigating and documenting corruption and cover-up of Obama’s illegal election and the lengths his handlers have gone through to keep the truth from seeing the light of day. Obama has stated that his administration would be the most transparent in history but it should be clear by now to everyone that transparency was never his intention.
Now, up to this point conservatives are probably salivating and waiting to read the juicy details about Obama’s crimes against Humanity. But now you are about to lose them. Here is your foray into the world of TMI, with BOLDED notes by me, so that you can gauge the degree to which you are chasing away your audience, in comparison with the example above.
Obama has all the money and power in the world to silence people like me who challenge his eligibility [I was taught this method by aliens] to serve as President and Commander in Chief of the American Army as mandated by Article II, Section I, Clause 5 of the Constitution. The Democrat Socialist Party and the ruling elite may have succeeded in duping Americans the first time around claiming that Obama is a natural born Citizen [from the Galaxy, Grokk 7, located 3,000 light years from Earth.] but it won’t work for them again if the voices of the ‘silent majority’ are allowed to be heard.
The requirement and term, “Natural born Citizen” [I was abducted from the weekly Moon Landing Deniers meeting] apply only to the two highest positions in our federal government. The reason is simply to ensure no outside or foreign interest would breach our national sovereignty and security. “Natural born Citizen” [(of which I am the local coordinator)] and “native born” [ and taken to the Uranus Space Base, ] are not the same kind of citizen. [where I was probed every which way but loose.] Obama, Sr., was a British national in the colony of Kenya [Afterward, while sharing a drink, one of the Aliens, named Brizzibbit, ] when Obama was born so he was not and can never be a natural born Citizen [showed me how to use superior Alien technology] and is illegally occupying the White House.[to psychically forecast moves in the Stock Market. ]
Left-wing enablers continue to cover up the truth. Why just today the only bookstore in my area, Chapters in Miami, OK, owned by Ann Neal, has just banned my book.
[address and phone number redacted]
You see, the plain fact is that outside of the Birther Echo Chambers, people just think Birthers are crazy. Particularly people who are smart enough to be editors. Birther legal theories don’t make any sense, Birther cases get thrown out of the courts left and right, and frankly, you pretty much have to a 4+ rolling conspiracy theorist to believe the Birther stuff.
As a practical matter, I would at least remove all the Birther references from you letter. I am not saying this to be mean to you. Writing a book is something to be very proud of. But, I hope you start thinking about these issues, and maybe start spending more time with sane people who do not believe this delusional Birther nonsense. It will give you a better perspective on Reality.
Note 1: This is my second “advice” Internet Article in one day. Am I turning into Dear Abby or something??? Will I start taking in stray cats??? OMG, is my biological clock starting to tick???