Tag Archives: Cough up

Obama Coughed It Up!!!

America Also Needs Its Girl Reporters!!!

On April 27, 2011, after unrelenting pressure from The Birther Think Tank and others, Obama finally coughed up his long form birth certificate, saying:

Now, normally I would not comment on something like this, because obviously there’s a lot of stuff swirling in the press on at any given day and I’ve got other things to do.  But two weeks ago, when the Republican House had put forward a budget that will have huge consequences potentially to the country, and when I gave a speech about my budget and how I felt that we needed to invest in education and infrastructure and making sure that we had a strong safety net for our seniors even as we were closing the deficit, during that entire week the dominant news story wasn’t about these huge, monumental choices that we’re going to have to make as a nation.  It was about my birth certificate.  And that was true on most of the news outlets that were represented here.

And so I just want to make a larger point here.  We’ve got some enormous challenges out there.  There are a lot of folks out there who are still looking for work.  Everybody is still suffering under high gas prices.  We’re going to have to make a series of very difficult decisions about how we invest in our future but also get a hold of our deficit and our debt — how do we do that in a balanced way.

And this is going to generate huge and serious debates, important debates.  And there are going to be some fierce disagreements — and that’s good.  That’s how democracy is supposed to work.  And I am confident that the American people and America’s political leaders can come together in a bipartisan way and solve these problems.  We always have.

But we’re not going to be able to do it if we are distracted.  We’re not going to be able to do it if we spend time vilifying each other.  We’re not going to be able to do it if we just make stuff up and pretend that facts are not facts.  We’re not going to be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers.

We live in a serious time right now and we have the potential to deal with the issues that we confront in a way that will make our kids and our grandkids and our great grandkids proud.  And I have every confidence that America in the 21st century is going to be able to come out on top just like we always have.  But we’re going to have to get serious to do it.

I know that there’s going to be a segment of people for which, no matter what we put out, this issue will not be put to rest.  But I’m speaking to the vast majority of the American people, as well as to the press.  We do not have time for this kind of silliness.  We’ve got better stuff to do.  I’ve got better stuff to do.  We’ve got big problems to solve.  And I’m confident we can solve them, but we’re going to have to focus on them — not on this.

Thanks very much, everybody.

Full statement here:


Obama’s statement echoes many of the concerns raised by The Birther Think Tank.  Here is a copy of the long form birth certificate:

The Document It Took Obama Three Years To Cough Up!!!

After reviewing the document, it appears certain that Obama was NOT born in Kenya, nor is there any embarrassing information on it. Accordingly, the KISS Matix was updated to The KISS Matrix 2.0 to  reflect this new information:

1. KIDS. Obama has a bunch of Kids for advisers, who think this is funny???
2. IGNORANT. Obama was too ignorant to think of the simple answer.
3. SNOBBY. Obama thought Americans were too stupid to believe the REAL THING!
4. SLIMY. Obama thought it was OK to make some Americans look crazy if it got him votes.

While one applauds Obama for finally coughing it up, one still must wonder WHY Obama took sooo long???

Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

[Note: The Birther Think Tank waited 3 days to publish the long form due to problems with the image posted by the White House. It is our opinion the White House, not wishing to let a good crisis go to waste,  intentionally published a manipulated image to keep this controversy alive, while facially absolving itself from any role in actually keeping this divisive issue alive.]

Obama and the Newspaper Boy – A Moral Tale!!!

Our Baloney Has A Last Name!!! Its O-B-A-M-A

Once upon a time, there was a man named Obama, who owned a Baloney sandwich restaurant, The House of Baloney. He served the very best Baloney sandwiches, made from the very finest Baloney, imported all the way from Hawaii, or Connecticut, and maybe even Kenya. People came from far and wide to get his Baloney. They would say, “Ohhh, but this is such Good Baloney!” They were so fanatic, people even started calling them “O-buts.”

Then one day, a little newspaper boy bought some baloney sandwiches, and when he got home, he discovered his change was $2.00 short! So he went back to Obama and he said, “I want my $2.00, please.”Obama said, “Get lost kid, you bother me!”

Undeterred, the newspaper boy sat outside the House of Baloney with a sign that said, “ I want my $2.00.” He sat there in the rain and the sleet and the snow, for months. At first, everyone thought the newspaper boy was just crazy. Obama swore he had given him the proper change. He put a PICTURE of the cash register tape and deposit slip on the Internet. He even had people swear it was a true picture.

But, as time went on, people began to get suspicious of Obama. Why was he letting this poor little newspaper boy, who might indeed be crazy, just sit out there in the rain, with his poor little sign, exposed to the elements, and sad. And what if, just what if, Obama had kept the $2.00 and not deposited it in the bank. People started not going to the House of Baloney.

The O-buts defended Obama. “It’s his restaurant”, they said. “He doesn’t have to legally give the kid the $2.00 if he doesn’t want to.” That was true enough, but by this time, Obama had already lost 25% of his sales. Some people said, “Just give the kid his $2.00 and quit being a jerk!” “No!” said the O-buts. “This kid is so crazy, that even if you give him the $2.00, he won’t go away!”

So it went on for over two years. People now began to wonder, “Was there really something wrong with Obama?” Because he had lost a lot more in business than the $2.00. They reasoned that even if he didn’t owe it,  something fishy was going on, because there really was no good reason for a sane businessman not to just cough up the two bucks, and move on.

But still the newspaper boy sits there, with his ragged, little homemade sign, the “I want my $2.00″ smeared by rain, and running like two day old mascara,  and the cardboard all wrinkly and fraying at the edges. Inside, Obama sits, twidding his thumbs, and hoping business will pick up.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

There’s No “I” in “Kenyan”, Unless You Spell It Wrong !!!

Two Obots Convincing Themselves That 60% Of The Country Having Some Degree of Doubt Where Obama Was Born Is A GOOD Thing!!!

Today, President Obama said:

It takes some time for the team to come together,” Obama said. “There’s no ‘I’ in team. So no matter how good a player is, no matter how good a group of players are, if they haven’t played together before they are not going to be as good as a team that has played together a long time.”

He was talking to some basketball people, but he is right about this. (What can I say? Even a stopped clock is right sometimes!)

So here is what I suggest to Mr. Obama. You have all these Obots out here just working their little Obot booties off trying to defend you for being a American, from either Hawaii or Conneticut. You have people like Col. Lakin probably going to prison because he wasn’t sure you are an American. You have had 73 or 82 lawsuits, who knows exactly because there have been so many, and lawyers like Dr. Taitz and Mr. Apuzzo just giving you hell. Whatever you may have thought you were accomplishing in July 2008, it just didn’t work. Giving something to that group so they could put a PICTURE on the Internet just didn’t work. Face it. Move on!!!, like that group of yours says!!!

Soooo, why don’t you PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH!!! If you are really a American, then cough up your Long Form, or bumpy Birth Certificate, into REAL PUBLIC this time. Go ahead and take one for the team. I know it will make you mad, and just go against your Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder thing, but you know what they say, “if you are going to make eggs, you have to break a few!”

Your team is depending on you!!!

So There!!!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter