Tag Archives: Georgia

Monkeys As Judges Of Birthers (The Carl Swensson Simian Studies)

Unfooled, The Monkeys Knew That The Picture Of The Banana Was Not The Same Thing As A Real Banana

Hanging around with his Birther friends must have stimulated Carl Swensson’s scientific interest in monkeys and apes. Even the name of his website, Rise Up For America, is mute testimony to his fascination with bipedalism, and the advantages of walking erect on two legs over scampering around on four legs or knuckle dragging. At his website we find the following Scientific Simian Study:

Subject: Psychology 101

If you start with a cage containing five monkeys and inside the cage,
hang a banana on a string from the top and then you place a set of
stairs under the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs
and climb toward the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys
with cold water. After a while another monkey makes an attempt with
same result … all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water.
Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the
other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away.

Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one.
The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs.
To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb
the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it
with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.
The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment… with enthusiasm.

Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by
a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to
the stairs he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him up
have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs.
Neither do they know why they are participating in the beating of the
newest monkey.

Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of
the remaining monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold
water. Nevertheless, none of the monkeys will try to climb
the stairway for the banana.


Actually, what Swensson has managed to prove is that monkeys are smarter than Birthers.  The monkeys in the above experiment learned from bad experiences and did not repeat them, or let other monkeys repeat them. When have you ever seen a Birther do that??? Swensson’s own personal foray into the Georgia Courts proves that Birthers do not learn from bad experiences. His lawsuit repeated the same two citizen-parents nonsense that has had cold water poured on it by every single court which hears it.

And make no mistake about it, every time a Birther loses in court, the entire Birther Community gets doused. Swensson’s legal legacy to this point, has only served to increase the persuasive authority of the Ankeny v. Governor case. As a result, successive Birthers will only find an impossible task made even more impossible. His public relations legacy is even worse – just another stupid Birther taking a flying head-long dive into a brick wall.

Perhaps we should all take a moment to thank our Lucky Stars that we are descended from monkeys, not Birthers. Else, the human race would still be furry, sitting in trees, and trying to open coconuts by banging them against their heads.

As a side note, I have it on good authority that a local Georgia PETA chapter attempted a Simian Snatch and Grab operation at Mr. Swensson’s home. However, the monkeys had already escaped. Apparently, they were able to lure Mr. Swensson and several of his Birther friends inside the enclosure with a green and white piece of paper. While the humans fought over the piece of paper, the monkeys slipped out. Somehow, they managed to lock the door of the enclosure trapping the Birthers inside.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. The Image above is called Monkeys As Judges Of Art (1889) by Gabriel Cornelius von Max.

Leo Donofrio, The Naked Emperor of the Birthers

Donofrio Couldn't Wait To Show Off His Custom Made Sartoria de Pazzo' Threads

Everybody is familiar with the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes, originally written by Hans Christian Andersen.  Wiki says:

A vain Emperor who cares for nothing but his appearance and attire hires two tailors who are really swindlers that promise him the finest, best suit of clothes from a fabric invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or “just hopelessly stupid”. The Emperor cannot see the cloth himself, but pretends that he can for fear of appearing unfit for his position; his ministers do the same. When the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they mime dressing him and the Emperor then marches in procession before his subjects, who play along with the pretense.

Suddenly, a child in the crowd, too young to understand the desirability of keeping up the pretense, blurts out that the Emperor is wearing nothing at all and the cry is taken up by others. The Emperor cringes, suspecting the assertion is true, but holds himself up proudly and continues the procession, deciding never to be so vain again and to take his position more seriously.

There are many similarities to Leo Donofrio’s position in the Birther community. Some might protest that he comes closer to being one of the swindling tailors than the pompous emperor. But the tailors weren’t the ones prissing down the street in their Birthday Suit, like the Emperor and Donofrio. And, the adoring crowd probably would have had no problem jeering and pointing out that the tailors were nekkid. Except perhaps in San Francisco where such things are supposedly rather commonplace.

No, I think Donofrio is in the same fix as the Emperor. He has gone out there in front of the crowd, naked as a jay bird, and figures the best approach now is to try to bluff it out.  Just like a poker player with the 2,3,4, and 5 of hearts and the 7 of clubs.  Damn that ace or 6 of hearts for not being there!!!  Like the Emperor above, Donofrio also knows that he is holding a hand full of crap, but he is just in too deep to fold.

Donofrio’s fancy threads, the ones that only the stupid and incompetent can’t appreciate; the threads that are supposed to separate the elite from those unfit for his position or “just hopelessly stupid; and the threads that will plop Donofrio I down into the history books as a Great Emperor,  are his recent 209 page Amicus Curiae Brief, tendered to the Georgia Court.  Here is a link to the Brief:


Sooo, we get the 200 page Amicus Curiae brief, full of unintelligible drivel.  The legal equivalent of psycho-babble. Do you know why it is 200 pages??? So that you WILL NOT read it.  You are supposed to be impressed by the weight of the paper alone.  Plus, 3/4 of it consists of photocopies of old books and old law cases. There is only about 50 pages of actual Donofrio Drivel.

Donofrio’s forte is pain and his opus is the equivalent of the old peine forte et dure where the recalcitrant were pressed to plead, or die. By page 17, most of the frail will convert to Birtherism rather read anymore of this crap.  It  has been reported, but not yet confirmed,  that several readers gagged to death as early as page 6, after reading this:

Natural Allegiance – Via Jus Soli – Was A Uniquely Christian Point Of Law
Repugnant To The First Amendment Of The United States Constitution.

The common law rule of jus soli subjection is a complex spiritual concept, which does not simply relate to birth on British soil. Despite popular belief, the common law meaning of “natural-born” is not synonymous with “native-born”. The true nomenclature of “natural-born subject” is rooted in “natural subjection” to the spiritual body of Christ, and therefore our Constitution forbids any construction of the “natural-born citizen”clause that alleges the term to be synonymous with “natural-born subject”.

OK,  that was bad. A religious and First Amendment objection to the current legal interpretations of natural born citizenship???  Funny, but I don’t recall the judges in the Wong Kim Ark case citing the Bible. Nor the judge in Lynch v. Clarke. Or the judges in Ankeny, or in Georgia, or Illinois, or Virginia. This is how we know Donofrio perceives his own nudity.  He is a lawyer, and he has crafted a theory that only the legally ignorant could swallow.

He just wants the Birthers to play along and pretend that he is wearing clothes. Maybe those people who died after reading that, might have made it, except that their system had already been immuno-compromised even earlier back on page 2, where Leo I, Emperor Magnus, Protector Of Parakeets, and The Defender of Ultima Thule solemnly pronounces:

A. According To Precedents of Statutory Construction, The 14th Amendment Has
Not Repealed Or Modified The Natural Born Citizen Clause.

One wants to Cry DUH!!!, and let slip the dogs of the Insane Asylum to track Donofrio down, and tree him until the men with the butterfly nets arrive.  Perhaps while they are waiting,  Donofrio and the dogs can all howl at the moon together, for entertainment. Didn’t the judges in Wong Kim Ark state that the 14th Amendment actually  AFFIRMED the law of natural born citizenship and enshrined it in the U.S. Constitution. Well, unless I miss my guess, the Birthers will pretend those words aren’t there.

Of course we also get the good old Leo Donofrio Minor v. Happersett argument where the words “For the purposes of this case it is not necessary to solve these doubts” (about whether or not children born in the United States to aliens were citizens) transmogrify through the Arcane Art of Grammatical Misconstruction into the polar opposite and magically solve the doubts.  There about 52 pages of exposition on these 3 main themes, and then a ton of exhibits to finish off.  Much of it consists of photocopies of old books. Some is in Latin, like this, on page 67 of 209:

Rex universis et singulis admirall’, castellan’, custodibus 7 Coke ;/Report 9 a, 77 ER p387 castrorum,

I don’t speak Latin, but I think it means somebody named Rex plans to jail either Walter Fitzpatrick or CDR Kerchner in Spain, ply them with cocaine, and then castrate them at 9:00 AM in the Emergency Room.  If I am totally wrong in my translation, then I  still bet I am no worse than Donofrio trying to translate from English.

And sooo, this is how Leo Donofrio, Naked Emperor of the Birthers, struts his stuff. Unfortunately for him, his Brief is made of the same stuff as the Emperor’s New Clothes – – – Imaginary Threads. And thus his Briefs are showing, and he is exposed.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Emperor’s New Clothes by Hans Christian Andersen. Wiki has more to say, incuding this interesting side note:

Andersen dread the tale in a German translation titled “So ist der Lauf der Welt”. In the source tale, a king is hoodwinked by weavers who claim to make a suit of clothes invisible to any man not the son of his presumed father. Andersen avoided anything risqué in his work and altered the source tale to direct the focus on courtly pride and intellectual vanity rather than adulterous paternity.

Andersen’s manuscript was at the printer’s when he was suddenly inspired to change the original climax of the tale from the emperor’s subjects admiring his invisible clothes to that of the child’s cry. Andersen’s decision to change the ending may have had its source in a childhood incident similar to that in the tale. In 1872, he recalled standing in a crowd with his mother waiting to see King Frederick VI. When the king made his appearance, Andersen cried out, “Oh, he’s nothing more than a human being!” His mother tried to silence him by crying, “Have you gone mad, child?”

The Second Book Of Judges (Update to The Birther Bible!!!)

The Birthers Were Too Busy Tooting Their Own Horns To Hear What The Judges Said

Oh, this is great news!!! More secret Birther information, and a new book to add to The Birther Bible, the rest of which may be found here:


The Second Book of Judges

Chapter 1

1. Trusting in the Prophet Vattel, verily did his Disciples begin to spread his word among all the peoples of the land, yea even unto the very Courts of the Law
2. Yet the Judges thereof were cold men of hard demeanor, who kneweth not of visions and strange divinations.
3.  First, the Judges of the Tribe of Indiana didst send the Birthers packing, saying they kneweth not whereof they spake, and that the Birthers understoodeth not the words of the  Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
4.  Then, in like manner a Judge of the Tribe of Georgia, didst send the Birthers packing, saying they kneweth not whereof they spake, and that the Birthers understoodeth not the words of the  Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
5. With great impudence, the Judge of The Tribe of Georgia, favored the words of an empty chair, though it spoke not, over the words of the Birthers.
6. Verily, in a third such smite, a Judge of the Tribe of Virginia didst send a Birther of that land packing, saying he kneweth not whereof he spake, and that the Birther understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
7. And, with much disdain, the Judge of the Tribe of Virginia didst also speak harsh words unto the Birther, mocking him for a Fool, saying his words were without worth,  and forbade him from coming again unto that Court.
8. Lo, but the travails mounted up unto the very Heavens,  for then a Judge of the Tribe of Illinois didst send a Birther of that land packing, saying he kneweth not whereof he spake, and that the Birther understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.

Chapter 2

1. It taketh not a wise man to discerneth a pattern in these things, and portents of things yet to come.
2. For liketh unto a small ball of snow rolling down a mountain, it mayst but grow larger and larger until it buries all before it.
3. So likewise might the words of the Judges, over a time, be heard and reinforce one the other, until the voices of the Birthers are met everywhere with laughter and great  jeering.
4.  For then will the people sayeth unto us,  that we knoweth not whereof we speak, and we understandeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
5. Perhaps it wouldst be a wise thing for us Birthers to haveth ready made excuses near at hand, to explaineth away these defeats, and the ones yet to cometh.
6. Therefore, let it be said, when we meet with defeat in the Courts of the Law, that the Judges thereof are but exchanging false decisions for gold and favors.
7. Or, let it be said, that the  Judges are but minions of the Usurper, and thus provide false decisions out of loyalty unto him.
8. Shouldst the Judge be of a group opposed to the Usurper, let it be said that he has been threatened for his life, or that unknown persons have graven images of him in compromising positions of adultery, which they doth dangle over his head.
9. Also might we blame our defeats on our Advocates, saying that they doth secretly labor on behalf of the Usurper, or are not truly wise in the ways of the Law, having learned their craft at long distances from the places of teaching.
10. Nor shouldst we stoppeth with these alone.
11. Let our explanations be called Legion, for from these signs and omens, great will be our needs.

Oh wow, this is really a scoop getting this information!!! I hope it helps everybody understand better where the Birthers are coming from.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Default Lies Not In Our Stars – (The Georgia Birther Backstory)

The Empty Chairs Got Paid More Than us???

This has to be one of the weirdest legal stories ever. Neither Obama nor his attorney show up in court the day of the Georgia eligibility hearing. Judge Malihi calls the three Birther attorneys, Orly Taitz, Mark Hatfield, and Van Irion into his chambers and offers them the choice of either taking a default judgment or proceeding to hearing against the empty chair on the other side of the courtroom. Now, if they accept a default judgment, that means they win.

Obama must then work to overturn the default judgment which is not an easy thing to do when your lawyer has filed a response in the matter, you have notice of the hearing, and no particularly good reason not to be there.  Obama would then have had to fight against the rules of civil procedure and the applicable standards and laws which apply. In short, Obama would have had the burden to fight the system. The Birthers would have had their first victory, and the worst that could have happened if Obama was successful in overturning the default judgment, is that the hearing would take place at a new time.

But, the Birther attorneys elected to forego the sure victory and go to hearing. Which they then managed to lose to the empty chairs. Let’s look at the choices again:

Door Number 1. Accept a default judgment, win, and have the propaganda and bragging rights that Obama was scairt to show up in Court.

Door Number 2. Go to hearing and put your evidence into the record, and risk losing if your evidence  is insufficient or the law is against you. (Which it was.)

Sooo, the three Birther attorneys opt for Door Number 2. You can’t make this crap up.

Here is a link to the decision, and the relevant is on page 2:


I suspect that the Birthers may hire new lawyers. Maybe this firm:

One Moe Time???

Tee Hee! Tee Hee!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1.  Default lies not in our stars. . .This is, of course, a pun on the language from William Shakespeare’s play, Julius Caesar: The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves if we are underlings.

I have also seen this stated as:

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

Perhaps these words from the play are also applicable:  You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!

Extra!!! Extra!!! Read All About It!!! Georgia Birther Plaintiff Still Swinging!!!

Stop The Presses!!!

UPDATE FROM GEORGIA:  David Farrar, a two citizen parent Birther who frequently posts comments here, is continuing his struggle in Georgia. While I disagree with his theories,  good journalism requires openness.  Here is his latest communique from the front lines, in full:

Honorable Brian Kemp
Secretary of State of Georgia
214 State Capitol
Atlanta, GA 30334
via e-mail to Vincent R. Russo Jr. ESQ
VRusso@sos.GA.gov and via Federal Express overnight delivery

Dear Sec. Kemp,

Please allow me an opportunity to disassociate myself from any and all criminal allegations made by my attorney, Dr. Orly Taitz, against Judge Malihi in her EMERGENCY APPEAL motion now before you. They were not only unauthorized, but unsupported.

In looking back over Judge Malihi’s recommendation, it seems apparent he may have erroneously combined the testimony and evidence submitted from all threes cases into one to arrive at his recommendation, when such is not the case. We do have a separation order signed by Judge Malihi just for that reason. We have different case numbers and we are three separate and distinct cases. This is the reason many leading jurists around the country are confused at just how the judge arrived at his recommendation given the evidence and testimony submitted, most notably, Mario Apuzzo, Esq. When he recently wrote:

“But there is no evidence before the Court that Obama was born in the United States. The court can only rest its finding of fact on evidence that is part of the court record. The judge tells us that he decided the merits of the plaintiffs’ claims. But he does not tell us in his decision what evidence he relied upon to “consider[]” that Obama was born in the United States. The judge “considered” that Obama was born in the United States. What does “considered” mean? Clearly, it is not enough for a court to consider evidence or law. It must make a finding after having considered facts and law. The judge simply does not commit to any finding as to where Obama was born. Using the word “considered” is a cop out from actually addressing the issue. Additionally, we know from his decision that neither Obama nor his attorney appeared at the hearing let alone introduced any evidence of Obama’s place of birth. We also know from the decision that the judge ruled that plaintiffs’ documents introduced into evidence were “of little, if any, probative value, and thus wholly insufficient to support Plaintiff’s allegations.” Surely, the court did not use those “insufficient” documents as evidence of Obama’s place of birth. Nor does the judge tell us that he used those documents for any such purpose. The judge also does not tell us that the court took any judicial notice of any evidence (not to imply that it could). The judge did find that Obama has been certified by the state executive committee of a political party. But with the rules of evidence of superior court applying, this finding does not establish anyone’s place of birth. Hence, what evidence did the judge have to rule that Obama is born in the United States? The answer is none.”…Mario Apuzzo, Esq.

For more click here, but the point is clear: somewhere Judge Malihi assumed that Dr. Taitz had allowed candidate Obama’s birth certificate to come into evidence in our case, when it did not, as it did in the other two cases. For this reason, you should set aside Judge Malihi’s recommendation and insist candidate Obama, at the very minimum, enter a certified copy of his Official Hawaiian birth certificate, with the embossed/impressed certification seal visible, into evidence in our case.

I am sure, like Judge Malihi, Mr. Secretary, you do not condone the action of the defendant in this case. Part of the action undertaken by Mr. Jablonski, I am lead to believe, was an attempt to supply you with a copy of his client’s birth certificate on an ex parte basis, in a brazen attempt to enter this document into the court file without giving the Plaintiffs access to either the records this document was created from, nor an opportunity for the Plaintiffs to offer any rebuttal. If this is true, it would represent a patently unfair process and cause all our efforts to date for a fair hearing on the issue to be questioned. Such action, if true, only serves to demonstrate candidate Obama understood only too well the key element in this case was the submission of his birth certificate to judicial scrutiny. Without proper submission of this document into evidence, all our efforts to clearly establish candidate Obama’s presidential qualifications will have been in vain.

The purpose of this lawsuit was simply to have candidate Obama’s birth certificate properly examined and reviewed in a court of law. Sadly, it seems, candidate Obama’s has been able to bamboozle your efforts in this regard if you accept the recommendation of Judge Malihi.

My recommendation is to stand firm and insist candidate Obama’s name will be taken off the Georgia ballot until such time as he can properly submit a certified copy of his birth certificate for judicial review. This course of action will send a clear message to candidate Obama, and to anyone else who would so insult the conscience of a Georgia court in such a flagrant manner, that such action should be taken only at one’s own peril.

Moreover, Mr. Secretary, the rest of the states are closely watching Georgia to see if it can preform this much needed function of vetting presidential and vice-presidential candidates at the state level rather than at the national level through the candidates own national political party.


Mr. Secretary, you, and by extension, the great State of Georgia, are at a unique point in election history where progress can be made, not to mention good law, with determined action on your part to insist candidate Barack Obama submit a certified copy of his Hawaiian birth certificate to the court, as a minimum requirement for placing his name on Georgia’s Presidential Preference Primary ballot.

Respectfully submitted,
[David Farrar]


Friday Nite Smackdown!!! – “Triple M” Hits Birthers With The Metal Folding Chair Of Truth!!!

As He Lay On The Mat, Mario "The Mangler" Apuzzo Pondered How He Could Spin This Loss

On Friday, February 3, 2012,  Administrative Law Judge Michael M. Malihi aka Triple M, clobbered the two-citizen parent Birthers with his decision in the Farrar, Welden, Swensson, & Powell v. Obama presidential eligibility suit. Here is the decision, from the Native and Natural Born Citizenship Explored blog, which is a very good place to get legal information on the Birther issues:


No real surprises to anybody who can read. Minor v. Happersett was properly NOT recognized as PRECEDENT for resolving the issue in language lifted straight from the Ankeny decision, stating:

The Minor Court left open the issue of whether a child born within the United States of alien parent(s) is a natural born citizen.

This finding left Leo “The Paraclete” Donofrio figuratively in the following position:

After His Signature Wrestling Move, The Minor Happersett Atomic Butt Buster, Proved A Dud, The Paraclete Foolishly Decided To Head-Butt The Metal Folding Chair

Relying mostly on the Ankeny v. Governor decision from 2009 and by extension, Wong Kim Ark from 1898, the Malihi Court pretty much told the two-citizen Birthers the same thing myself and others have been telling them for quite some time. To wit:

Relying on the language of the Constitution and the historical reviews and analyses of Minor and Wong Kim Ark, the Indiana Court concluded that persons born within the borders of the United States are “natural born citizens” for Article II, Section 1 purposes, regardless of the citizenship of their parents. Just as a person “born within the British dominions [was] a natural-born British subject” at the time of the framing of the U.S. Constitution, so too were those “born in the allegiance of the United States natural-born citizens.”

916 N.E.2d at 688. The Indiana Court determined that a person qualifies as a natural born citizen if he was born in the United States because he became a United States citizen at birth.

For the purposes of this analysis, this Court considered that President Barack Obama was born in the United States. Therefore, as discussed in Ankeny, he became a citizen at birth and is a natural born citizen. Accordingly,


President Barack Obama is eligible as a candidate for the presidential primary election under O.C.G.A. § 21-2-5(b).

SO ORDERED, February 2012.

Plaintiff David Farrar seemed to have accepted the loss with the most calmness and serenity of any of the Plaintiffs.

Meanwhile, the other plaintiffs, and most of the Birther “legal experts,” are exhibiting various degrees of oral frothing, ill-tempers, and paranoia.  To be on the safe side, I am reviewing and updating my Zombie Plan.

Tee Hee! Tee Hee!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1:  The judge’s name is Michael M. Malihi.  Sooo, Triple M is a word-play on Triple H, a well known professional wrestler.

Note 2. Folding Chairs in Wrestling. Wiki says:

Many items are used as weapons in professional wrestling. Some of the more common weapons used include chairs, guitars, folding tables, title belts, “kendo sticks”, and trash cans. While picking up the upper half of the ring steps for use as a weapon is illegal, slamming an opponent into the ring steps is not considered illegal, though it is frowned upon. However, these weapons are legal in hardcore matches.

Chair shot

A wrestler simply hits the opponent with a chair. In modern wrestling steel/metal folding chairs are used with the strike being performed with the flat face of the chair to slow the swing and distribute the impact, to prevent injury.