Tag Archives: lawyer

Apuzzo Resurfaces In Vermont!!! (Or, The Un-Champ Monster)

When Uncas Heard A Big Snake Was Coming To Town, He Mistakenly Went Down To Lake Champlain

Well, unable to make any headway in the bigger states, Mario “The Mangler” Apuzzo, Esq. decided to resurface in poor little Vermont. For those of you who do not know where Vermont is, it is one of the light blue spaces on the Monopoly Board row as Baltic and Mediterranean Avenues, but before you get to Jail. Apuzzo has been rather quiet since losing his last case in New Jersey.

I hear Vermont is nice this time of year. It even has its very own lake monster, Champ.  Here is an excerpt from The Burlington Free Press:

The losing candidate in last month’s Republican U.S. Senate primary has filed a 40-page lawsuit claiming President Barack Obama is ineligible to seek the White House and demanding his name be removed from Vermont’s election ballot.

PDF: Brooke Paige’s complaint

PDF: Attachments to the complaint

The lawsuit, filed by Washington, Vt., resident H. Brooke Paige, names Obama, the state of Vermont and Secretary of State James Condos as defendants. Condos, a Democrat, is named because he is the state’s top election official.

Paige’s lawsuit indicates that it was prepared by Mario Apuzzo, a Jamesburg, N.J., lawyer who has filed a similar action in that state.

Apuzzo, however, is not licensed to practice law in Vermont. Paige said he was unable to enlist a Vermont lawyer to represent his claims, so he plans to represent himself when the case is argued in court and have Apuzzo there as an advisor.

Burlington Free Press Article -Former GOP Senate candidate sues to get Obama off Vermont ballot over birth eligibility?

Having never won a Birther case, it is a pretty good bet Apuzzo will lose this one, too. He is kind of like a counterpoint to Lake Champlain’s “Champ” monster.  Apuzzo is the “Un-Champ.”

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is from a really cool “Champ“, the American Loch Ness Monster,  page, where you also find this:

Reports of the monster start showing up in newspapers around 1873. According to a story in the New York Times, a railroad work crew was laying track near Dresden, New York, when they saw the head of an “enormous serpent” emerge from the water. After a moment of paralyzing shock, the workmen ran away. The creature, in turn, swam away. Witnesses reported that the animal had bright, silver-like scales that glistened in the sun. The article said, “The appearance of his head was round and flat, with a hood spreading out from the lower part of it like a rubber cap often worn by mariners.”

In August of that same year, a small steamship loaded with tourists, allegedly struck the creature and nearly turned over. According to newspaper accounts, the head and neck of the animal were sighted afterward about a 100 feet from the ship.

As the fame of Champ grew, showman P.T. Barnum posted a $50,000 reward for the “hide of the great Champlain serpent to add to my mammoth World’s Fair Show.”

All the reports of this era seem to picture the creature as a long serpent with an arched back and a broad, flat tail. In modern times there have also been similar reports about Champ. In 1970 the creature was reported spotted by two independent witnesses traveling on a ferry across the lake. Richard Spear, one witness, said the animal was “dark brownish-olive” in color with “the size and shape of a barrel in cross-section.” The other witness said the creature appeared to be “a large snakelike creature, swimming with its head above water, held as snakes do, with coils behind.”


Note 2: The Image Easter Egg. KAUSEKHOIKEH KSCHACHTEU!!! This is the best I can do to say “Holy Smoke!” in Mohican. Here is the source I used:


Exclusive!!! Leo Donofrio’s First Post-Birther Song!!!

The Sheep Always Loved Whatever Donofrio Did. The Other Animals Were More Critical.

Well, the former Birther Lawyer, Leo “The Paraclete” Donofrio, has quit his legal blogging and decided to turn his many talents to music and song writing:

After long consideration and discussion with my family, I am saying goodbye to this blog and the law. I am retiring my law license and will be concentrating on making films, and writing music.


Perhaps this will allow him to emotionally move past 1875 and the Minor v. Happersett case where he could just not seem to get it through his thick skull that the language, not necessary to resolve these doubts, meant just what it said. That the Court was not going to resolve the issue of whether children born inside the United States of foreign parents were citizens or not. It just wasn’t necessary to what was going on in court to resolve those doubts. Twenty three years later in 1898, the doubts were decided in the Wonk Kim Ark case.

Donofrio and his flock of Birfer Sheep have been clogging up the courts with just the opposite conclusion, even when the courts clearly tell them that Minor v. Happersett left the issue open as in Ankeny v. Governor.  But, maybe Donofrio can now get on with his life, away from this whole topic.  At least that was my sincere prayer. Then one of my undercover Birther agents snuck out a copy of the song Donofrio has been working on the last few days.

I am not positive this is authentic, but the insistence of the song writer that his woman’s cheatin’ doubts about him needed to be resolved, even though  she had already moved on to a new lover and had closure,  is telling. This is like Donofrio insisting the Minor v. Happersett court needed in some way to resolve an issue not at contest in the case. No. Sometimes you just leave the doubts open and move on to what matters.

Here are the lyrics. It looks to be some kind of blues. Whatever, I don’t think Donofrio has closure with Birtherism, yet.

It Ain’t Necessary (To Resolve Those Doubts)
By Leo Donofrio???

You say you never trusted me,
And always had some doubts.
You heard I was a “hound dog.”
Who was always stepping out.
But now you say you’re  over me,
My games have wore you out.
Now, it  ain’t necessary to,
Resolve those doubts.

It doesn’t matter any more
You got a brand new man.
So who cares if I ran around
‘Cause you don’t give a damn.
And now you say you’re through with me,
Don’t care about my pouts.
Now, it ain’t necessary to
Resolve those doubts.

Sooo, I have tried to make those words
Reverse from what you meant.
So not resolving doubts instead,
Proves I was innocent.
But you ask if I am crazy,
And you say I’m washing out.
And still not necessary to,
Resolve those doubts.

You say accept reality,
Forget about the doubts
“Cause your new man is moving in
And I am moving out.”
You tell me to start packing.
No need for screams and shouts.
Now, it  ain’t necessary to,
Resolve those doubts.

I feel like I been here before,
Head bangin’ this Brick Wall???
Perhaps my education
Needs a legal overhaul.
Now that I have been usurped. . .
Those no good cheatin’ louts!
Guess it ain’t necessary to,
Resolve those doubts.

No, I guess I learned one thing,
From these domestic bouts,
Don’t argue with a woman when,
She resolves to throw you out.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image.  This is  Orpheus Charming The Animals by Leandro Bassano.