The Birther Think Tank has as it central Philosophical Tenet, the Birther Theory based on the KISS Matrix.This is also known as Scientific Birtherism, because the issues of Obama’s Birth are approached in the same way that any other scientific phenomenon is approached – that is, from a stage of initial uncertainty which proceeds by steps to determine the true state of affairs. As wiki says, “Scientific researchers propose hypotheses as explanations of phenomena, and design experimental studies to test these hypotheses.” Each of the elements of the KISS Matrix, is a separate hypothesis!!!
The beauty of the KISS Matrix, is that it fully embraces the UNCERTAINTY surrounding Obama, while at the same time, concentrating on what is most relevant to the average citizen: WHY are we having to go through all this, and WHY doesn’t Obama just “cough it up” and resolve this problem??? Plus, when answered, the KISS Matrix will answer WHERE. The KISS Matrix was developed by Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter. Here is a explanation of the KISS Matrix, as found on Miss Fromm’s website:
The KISS Matrix
This is a short recap of the KISS Matrix, which is the unique way I look at Birtherism. It is the central philosophical tenet of my Birther theories. As far as I know, I am the only Birther in the world who views the issue this way. But that is not how I started out.
When I first became a Birther, I was convinced that Obama was a Kenyan (and a Muslim, Marxist Usurper to boot, who wanted to have multiple First Ladies in the White House!) I have evolved since then. I originally thought that being a Kenyan was the only possible explanation for Obama refusing to cough up a long form birth certificate in the face of all the flak he was catching and the impending mid-term elections. I was wrong.
After intense debates with the Obotski, I realized that there may have been other reasons Obama refused to “cough up” the Long Form Birth Certificate. Then, I had my EUREKA MOMENT!!! There were NO good reasons not to cough it up, AND all the other possible reasons are bad, and WORSE than Obama being a Kenyan. I express this range of possible reasons as the KISS Matrix:
1. KENYA. He is born in Kenya, or there is something embarrassing on the Long Form Birth Certificate.
2. IGNORANT. Obama is too ignorant to think of the simple answer.
3. SNOBBY. Obama thinks Americans are too stupid to believe the REAL THING!
4. SLIMY. Obama thinks it is OK to make some Americans look crazy if it gets him votes.
[NOTE: Twelve days after this Internet Article was presented, Obama apparently coughed up his long form birth certificate on April 27, 2011. Accordingly, as with all scientific things, The KISS MATRIX has incorporated this fact into The KISS Matrix 2.0, removing the Kenyan/Embarrassing stuff from the matrix of possible reasons:
1. KIDS. Obama has a bunch of Kids for advisers, who think this is funny???
2. IGNORANT. Obama was too ignorant to think of the simple answer.
3. SNOBBY. Obama thought Americans were too stupid to believe the REAL THING!
4. SLIMY. Obama thought it was OK to make some Americans look crazy if it got him votes.]
That’s it. Those are the 4 most likely possibilities. Sooo, while the sophisticated Republicans eschewed Birtherism because the Kenyan Option seems so conspiratorial in nature, they threw the baby out with the bath water. Who wants, for example, a president who intentionally sits idle and lets a divisive issue persist so that he can pick up the “anti-crazy” vote. Isn’t that what “race-baiters” did a few generations ago??? KISS permits people to address the birth certificate issue as it should be addressed, as an insight into Obama’s personality and thought processes.
And, if you think Ignorantis a stretch, then just remember how badly the mid-term elections turned out. Obama didn’t pick up enough votes to prevent a SHELLACKING, as Obama, himself, described it. Not changing this horse in midstream, is just asking for a second coat of SHELLACK in 2012.Of course some of the Obotski maintain that no matter what Obama coughs up, the Birthers won’t believe it, so that the Snobby option isn’t necessarily a bad reason. But there is no good faith basis for this belief. Remember, Obama has only provided 1(One) document, the short form COLB, with NO VERIFIABLE INFORMATION on it. And that wasn’t provided to the PUBLIC, but to some special group who put a PICTURE on the Internet.
In mathematics, you can not predict a series of numbers from just one number. The same is true here. You can not predict a future pattern of disbelief, just because people don’t necessarily believe the one document they have been given. Plus, the long form is the very document people have been suing to get, with no success.
Plus, exactly what harm would occur if Obama coughed up a Long Form Birth Certificate??? Nobody seems to have postulated that any sort of disaster would occur.
So that it is where it stands. Forget all the WHERE questions. Forget all the legal mumbo-jumbo two citizen parent nonsense. Just be honest. Which is to concentrate on WHY Obama has not resolved this for three years. Because none of us really knows for sure why he hasn’t. But we do know ALL the possible KISS answers are bad.
(PS: I also learned Obama isn’t a Muslim, and isn’t a Marxist, and is in fact, the Poster Child for the Wall Street Oligarchs!)
The Head Researcher