Category Archives: Miscellany

The Book Of The Apuzzites (Update To The Birther Bible)

Happily, The Graven Image Turned Out To Be Genuine

Well, my confidential Birther source is risking his hide smuggling out these additions to The Birther Bible. He or she tells me that things are not going well in Birther Land, and more of them are turning to The Birther Bible for consolation. The Book of the Apuzzites was actually the very first of their holy books, but was kept in The Birther Inner Sanctum so that only The Birther High Priests had access to it. But some acolyte accidentally attached it, upside down, to a filing and seventeen copies of the book made it to The Birther Outer Sanctum, and from there to here. The Book of the Apuzzites has been placed in its rightful place here, in The Birther Bible:

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

The Book of the Apuzzites

Chapter 1

1. And this is the story of the Apuzzites, and the story of their beginning.

2. In the first days of the Usurper, there arose a scribe by the name of Apuzzariah, who spake, saying:

3. “Lo, this land is saddled with a Usurper, for he is not of this Kingdom, for his father cameth from the Land of the Ebonites, and tarried but a brief time in our tents;”

4. “Yea, even though he speaketh our tongue, and weareth our dress, he is not of us, and he must go.”

5. “Yea, even though he dwelt amongst us since the days of his youth, and  taken a wife from among our people, he is not of us, and he must go.”

6. “Yea, though he counseled with us within the Holy Places of The Law, still he is not of us, and he must go.”

7. Then didst Apuzzariah meet with others of like mind, and they counseled amongst themselves saying, “How shouldst we rid ourselves of this Usurper, for his father was of the Ebonites, and he is not one of us, and he must go.”

8. For the Usurper had been chosen in accordance with the Law, and the Chiefs and High Priests and Judges didst vouchsafe him, making him secure in his palace.

9. Then Apuzzariah, being learned in the Law, counseled them saying, “I haveth a plan!”

Chapter 2.

1. And these are the words that Apuzzariah spake:

2. “Let us say, with one voice, that the Usurper hath not been chosen in accordance with the Law, but that the Law is some other thing, which permits not the issue of the Ebonites to serve in high places, nor the issue of any other people.”

3. But his voice was shouted down, and many spake against him saying, “Thy words will never flyeth, for they were not uttered during the time of choosing, not even by those against whom the Usurper contended.”

4. And in like manner they also spaketh, saying, “Thy words haveth a foul odor unto them, for who among us changes the rules of some sport after the game is ended, and the winner crowned???”

5. Then they counseled with Apuzzariah and said, “Better it is to continue telling that the Usurper wast not born amongst the tents of our people, but amongst the tents of the Ebonites, where his mother didst travel, heavy with child.”

6. “For already have we spoken these things, and there is some ear among the people for the words.”

7. And others did chime in, saying “These are words of great wisdom, for if we speak this new thing, the people will believe us not, and say unto us, “Thou are not speaking words of truth, for thou art attempting to change thy boat in mid water, only to sail off in some new direction.”

8. And still others did put in their own two pence of counsel, saying “During the time of choosing, my words were never of this Law, but only of the Usurper being born among the tents of the Ebonites. And shouldst my words change now to this new thing, I shall be mocked, and the people will say unto me;”

9. “What, didst thou know not of this Law when last thou spake unto us? Didst thou forget this law? For all knew his father was of the Ebonites. Why didst thou not speak then?”

10. Or mock us, saying, “Art thou only now learning of this, for the first time? If thy learning is this new, then why shouldst we believe anything thou speaks? Could it be that thou wishes only to obtain the thing desired, and will say anything in furtherance thereof?”

11. But Apuzzariah held firm against them and was not deterred, saying unto them, “Heareth my plan!”

Chapter 3.

1. And these are the words that Apuzzariah spake unto them, saying;

2. “Lo, many years have I toiled as a scribe, and many strange devices observed.”

3. “And there is a thing which occures as surely as the cock doth crow upon the sunrise; that when many parchments are gathered together at one time to be laid before a judge, all doth pay less heed to them. Even unto the judge, and all the scribes, on account of the great weight and number of the parchments.”

4. “For where there are many such parchments, none really knows what is contained within, for all but have the same thought; to be done hurriedly with this work, lest one’s eyes be ruined in the reading thereof, and one’s mind overfilled with the words therein.”

5. “Yet, where all doeth this thing, none will admitt thereof, for shame of being named slothful or unlearned.”

6. “Therefore let this be our plan, that where one word wouldst suffice, we shall provide a thousand, and where one parchment wouldst hold all that is necessary, we shall provide a thousandfold.”

7. “Then, when one says unto us, in the manner afore spoken, “What, didst thou know not of this Law when last thou spake unto us? Didst thou forget this law?””;

8. Then shalt we say unto him, “What? Hast thou not read the four score and third parchment provided unto you amidst all the others? For this is a difficult teaching, and much study is necessary for the understanding thereof.”

9. “And then he will think in his heart, “I have read not that parchment, nor the afore going four score and two parchments, nor either the ones after, for lo, I fear danger unto my eyes and unto my head to be over filled with the words thereupon.””

10. “Yet, he will not speak aloud this thought, for shame that he be deemed slothful or unlearned, and he will but slink away, saying nothing in reply.”

11. “Thus we haveth the manner to overcome the protestations afore spoken.”

Chapter 4.

1. Then those gathered with Apuzzariah questioned him further, saying;

2. “What of the judges, for they know the law, and know that the number of parchments changes not the law?”

3. Then Apuzzariah answered, saying unto them, “What matters it to us what the judge says, for we present such a great confusion, that the people will agree with us for fear of having to study the large numbers of parchments for themselves.”

4. Then shalt they cry out for new judges, who understand the mysteries thought hidden in the parchments, yet which exists not.

5. Then another asked of Apuzzariah, “Will not the great numbers of parchments require many asses to carry them unto the judges, to be laid before them?”

6. The Apuzzariah answered, saying unto him, “Asses are plentiful, and new ones born each day; and we shall ask of those who hate the Usurper to lend unto us their asses, or to carry parchments on their own backs to the judges, to be laid before them.

7. And Apuzzariah spake further, saying unto them, “Fear not the lack of asses, or what words thou hast already spoken, and go along with mine endeavor.”

8. Then another one gathered there asked of Apuzzariah, “But who among us shalt prepare this mighty number of parchments, for even were we to list all the laws of the land, they wouldst not cover so great a number of parchments as thou contemplates?

9. And Apuzzariah replied, saying ” Verily, I say unto you, worry not, for I have this problem well in hand.”

10. “For unto our laws, shalt I also add the laws of other lands, as if they were our own, for truly do the laws of each land bear a passing similarity to each other.”

11. “And if there art no laws which say that which I desireth, I shall make up the words, for who among the people can read the tongues of other lands?”

12. Then those gathered with Appuzariah marveled at his wisdom, and praised him saying, “Great is Appuzariah, and great the numbers of parchments he shall lay before the judges!”

13. And they named themselves Appuzites, to honor him, and set out across the land to spread his many words.

The Book of Revelations (Update To The Birther Bible)

It Was Just Darn Hard To Stay Awake During All That Vattel And Bingham Stuff

My confidential Birther source smuggled out this latest addition to The Birther Bible. He/she/it tells me that the Birthers are beginning to feel uncomfortable with the fact that they have spent four years searching for the Smoking Gun on Obama, and have come up empty-handed. The two citizen parents Birthers aren’t doing too well, either.  Apparently, both groups feel  they need some sort of revelation to break things open for them.  Here is the latest UPDATE to The Birther Bible:

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

The Book of Revelations

Chapter 1

1.  Lo, in the Fourth Year of The Great Struggle against The Usurper and the Anti-Vattelites, didst the faithful grow restless, and cry out for Revelation lamenting;

2.  Where art the Wise Judges who will casteth out The Usurper and bring judgment to the Anti-Vattelites?

3.  For it has been nigh unto four years, and at every turn the Judges doth reprove our teachings, and we are sent packing;

4.  The Anti-Vattelites  nameth us like unto the madmen who doth continually butteth their heads against walls of stone.

5.  And verily, we are confounded, and our heads are painful to the touch thereof.

6.  And what have we in the ways of proofs and parchments that we might cause others to believe? We haveth not even parchments from some other Kingdom which claimeth The Usurper as their own.

7.  Thus, the Anti-Vattelites mock us saying, “Bringeth forth that which thou hast in the way of proof, and put it before all the people to see.”

8.  So they dareth us, and when we canst not bringeth forth any such parchment, they mock us, saying in the manner of derision;

9. “Fools, you believeth not thine own lying eyes, for is not the truth with us, who boldly mete out our parchment, placing images thereof even upon lowly drinking vessels, which are sold for profit?”

10. Also they sayeth unto us, “Hast thou only the sound of thine own words?”;

11. “For verily thy parchments are old, and hoary with age, and pertaineth not to matters at hand, while we Anti-Vattelites have new parchments which do pertaineth, which we lay proudly before the Judges.”

12. All of this stingeth like a nest of hornets,  and it is ever more difficult to keepeth our faces straight when we speaketh;  for of a truth, wherever we seeketh respite, we are sent packing.

13. Therefore maketh unto us a Revelation, and give us mighty parchments, so that we might do equal battle with the Anti-Vattelites.

Chapter 2

1.   Then didst a teacher, learned in the ways of The Great Struggle,  speaketh; and these are the words that he spake;

2.   “Be comforted, for in the far distance is a Great Beast, and the name of the Great Beast is  Polycras.”

3.  “And on the back of Polycras is a box made of gold, and inside the box of gold is a Great Revelation and many new parchments.”

4.  And the faithful stared one at the other in confusion, and mumbled asking, “Didst we receiveth an answer to our prayers or not, for we knoweth not of this Polycras???”

5.  Then some said that Polycras needs must be the elephant, and others the ass, and others still the porcupine, which doth prick the careless with many spindles.

6.  And the teacher spake unto them saying,  “Nay, Polycras is the Beast of Many Tomorrows, and like unto a Giant Tortoise”;

7.  “But one day Polycras will arriveth,  for sure and steady is his gait, and the things which interesteth  him art few in number.”

8.  And the faithful were comforted, for yea on s0me distant morrow, a Revelation would cometh, and many new parchments, though none kneweth the day or hour.

9.  And they went forward into the land, girded now with great confidences, seeking out the Judges, and sure that this time they wouldst not be sent packing.

The Birther Think Tank Reaches A Millstone!!!

You Know, When We Stare Into The Moonbats, The Moonbats Also Stare Into Us

WOW!!! Today The Birther Think Tank reached a millstone!!! It exceeded 50,000 views!!! Okay, so maybe it should be milestone, instead of millstone, but just think of it as an homage to the Orly Taitz School of Spelling. Plus, millstone allows me to work in the image above with it’s windmill theme, which we all tilt at; the OWLs for the Orly’s World readers; the moonbats for the other side; the Sturm und Drang aspects of the various Birther Dramas; the overall Silly Symphony nature of Birtherism; and most importantly, the eventual return to normalcy when Birtherism  is no longer huffing and puffing its way across the countryside.

Thank you to all the people who read the stuff here. I know sometimes it must be difficult to make the quick changes between serious legal analysis, followed by a jump to a parody Broadway song honoring some poor Birther, then getting jerked back to a poem, and finally ending up tripping over some bizarre headline and offbeat story.

But that is the only way I can think of to make reading about this stuff fun and entertaining. I mean, let’s face it, we’re all working in a mental ward here, and if we aren’t careful, we are going to turn into Nurse Ratched’s or maybe even Randle McMurphy. I always feel like I have made things better when I see you enjoying yourself with these Internet Articles.

Sooo, thank you all for being here. I really appreciate you!!!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Bonus: The 1937  Academy Award winning short by Disney, The Old Mill:

Just for what it is worth, here is what Wiki says about this film:

The Old Mill is a 1937 Silly Symphonies cartoon produced by Walt Disney, directed by Wilfred Jackson, scored by Leigh Harline, and released to theatres by RKO Radio Pictures on November 5, 1937. The film depicts the natural community of animals populating an old abandoned windmill in the country, and how they deal with a violent thunderstorm that nearly destroys their habitat.

Like many of the later Silly Symphonies, The Old Mill was a testing-ground for advanced animation techniques. Marking the first use of Disney’s multiplane camera, the film also incorporates realistic depictions of animal behavior, complex lighting and color effects, depictions of rain, wind, lightning, ripples, splashes and reflections, three-dimensional rotation of detailed objects, and the use of timing to produce specific dramatic and emotional effects. All of the lessons learned from making The Old Mill would subsequently be incorporated into Disney’s feature-length animated films, especially 1937’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Mea Culpa

Sometimes You Just Get Pommelled At Work

Well, I think I am back for a while. I had to actually go to work full time to help my BFF Fabia Sheen, Esq., an attorney. Her legal assistant got pregnant and the baby came early. Then to make it worse, her secretary left when her husband got transferred. Sooo, I have  been like working 16 hours a day sometimes for the last few months. This is on top of helping my mother in her business. But, I have sure learned a lot of new legal stuff. Anyway, Fabia’s assistant came back to work a few days ago and we all went out to eat Mexican food and drink margaritas today and knocked off early.

I am sorry that I have not checked in, but this Birther stuff is so crazy and addictive that once you start, it is hard to put down. There were days in the past when I was putting out 2 or 3 Internet Articles a day. I just could not afford to get wrapped up in that again when I was trying to do 3 jobs at once and not screw stuff up.

I have a lot to catch up on, so please bear with me while I read three months worth of craziness.

Mea Culpa.  Plus, thank you to people who missed me!!!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Bonus: Mea Culpa by Enigma

April Fools Day (A Poem For Anti-Birthers and Obots)

Bombo Did Not Understand The Subtle Difference Between Pulling Someone's Leg, and Latching On To Tall Tales.

April Fools Day

A Poem For Anti-Birthers and Obots
by Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

The first day of April is special to us.
The Birthers don’t see why we make such a fuss.
It seems like the answer is perfectly clear.
We only fib this one day of the year.

The Birthers, they do it day in and day out,
And the newness wore off. They got jaded no doubt.
But to us, it’s like Christmas, so we hold it dear.
We only fib this one day of the year.

So the Birthers look on as we laugh and we play.
They don’t understand. They look on in dismay.
Their innocence lost forever I fear.
But we only fib this one day of the year

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

The Birther Think Tank

UPDATE: On March 13, 2012 Leo Donofrio made it official and retired his blog saying:

After long consideration and discussion with my family, I am saying goodbye to this blog and the law. I am retiring my law license and will be concentrating on making films, and writing music.

Good riddance!!!

Here is my prediction from November 18, 2011, which I have re-blogged on March 14, 2012. Thanks to Patrick Colliano, from Orly’s World FaceBook Page for bringing this to my attention. What follows is the original blog:

Well, it seems that Leo Donofrio, Esq., aka The Paraclete,  has given up the ghost!!! After unrelenting pressure from The Birther Think Tank slamming his goofy and idiotic characterization and interpretation of the 1875 Minor v. Happersett case, he has changed up his website to where he will only accept comments from attorneys who use their real name.


View original post 1,058 more words

The Book of Lamentations (Update to The Birther Bible!!!)

By Now, The Birthers Had The “Gloom, Despair, And Agony On Me” Number Down Pat

O Happy Day!!! My confidential  Birther source smuggled out this latest addition to The Birther Bible.  He/she/it tells me that the Birthers are afraid that Sheriff Joe Arpaio is going to let them down, and that things will go badly in Pennsylvania in the Kerchner Laudenslager case.  We shall see. Here is the rest of The Birther Bible:

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

The Book of Lamentations

Chapter 1

1. This is the Song of our Lamentation, and the sound thereof.

2. Lo, though we goeth forth into battle against the Anti-Vattelites with songs of victory,  always doth it seem we are sent packing.

3. Yea, though we goeth forth roaring like lions,  we doth return like small cats which meweth for milk in tiny voices.

4.  Our heads are anointed with Cold Waters, and bitter rains doth drench our parade.

5.  Gloom, Despair, and Agony,  doth seem to be our constant house guests, which leaveth not, and yet payeth no rent, nor buyeth any food and drink.

6. Prithee, why shouldst this day be any different?

7. Though we rise with hope at Dawn,  shall not Dusk only prosper those which wenteth long in the purchase of sackcloth?

8. Our ears doth ache from the sound of our own wailing, and our teeth are but nubs from the gnashing thereof.

9. So covered are we in ashes, that our own mothers recognizeth us not.

10. Truly it is said that we canst not win for losing.

Chapter 2.

1. Yet of all these miseries whereof I speak, none are so great or hard to bear as the glad songs of the Anti-Vattelites, who doth always seem to caper and gambol in merriment.

2. Verily, it doth seem the deeper our despair,  the greater is their happiness.

3. And the louder the sound of our Lamentations,  the more they doth laugh and sport at our expense.

4. For late in the Darkness do I often lurketh at their encampments, with a purpose to spy upon them from concealment.

5. Wherefore I can speak of these things from a truth, and with knowledge.

6. And when one doth confront the Anti-Vattelites,  concerning the outcome of some battle, this is the manner of their speech;

7. And they sayeth with false kindness, “Why didst Thou not listen unto us?” and, “Didst we not tell Thee it wouldst be so?”

8. Verily, there is a great pain in these words,  for in truth the Anti-Vattelites careth not for our suffering,  but doth take great pleasure therein.

9.  And of a truth, they didst indeed say these things unto us before the happening thereof, and we listened not, which maketh us to rub salt into our own wounds.

10. Also doth they tell of villages and those of addled wits therein, and inquire if our village doth seek us,  thinking us lost.

11. Canst any Song of Lamentation hold tears enow, when one’s enemies art rolling upon the floor in laughter?

The Beat Goes On (A Parody Song)

There Was Just Something Different About This Revival of "Hello, Dali!"

The Beat Goes On
A Parody Song
by Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

(At the sound of
The Beat Goes On
by Sonny and Cher)

The Beat goes on. . . the Beat goes on

Blood flow just ain’t getting to the brain

La da da da da     la da da da dumb

(Acapella background for the riff –
Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. . . dumb de dumb dumb dumb)

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. . . dumb de dumb dumb dumb

Those Birther lawsuits keep on getting tossed
The Judges tell them they should just “Get Lost!”
Birthers cry . . . they never get a clue.
It’s always Monkey see, and Monkey do


And the Beat goes on… The Beat goes on

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. . . dumb de dumb dumb dumb

Imaginary laws are quite the rage.
The Birther lawyers constantly up-stage.
Chewing up the scenery like swine.
And every time they lose you hear them whine.


And the Beat goes on… The Beat goes on

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. . . dumb de dumb dumb dumb

Birth in Africa was once their song
But Planet Earth to Birthers, “You were wrong!”
Begging on their websites for your dime
As Birther skulls meet Brick Walls every time.


And the Beat goes on… The Beat goes on

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. . . dumb de dumb dumb dumb

And the Beat goes on Yes, the beat goes on

(repeating to fade…)

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. . . dumb de dumb dumb dumb

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. Chewing Up The Scenery. This is an acting term which means:

Main Entry:  chew up the scenery
Definition: to overact, act melodramatically; also written [ chew up scenery ]
Etymology: refers to actor’s enthusiasm causing him or her to chew on the scenery
Usage: slang

Another term for somebody doing this is a “Ham” which is why I used the word swine. The word upstage means:

Divert attention from (someone) toward oneself; outshine: “they were totally upstaged by their costar.”

Note 2. The Image. A color commercial photograph of Salvador Dali by Jean-Yves Haydar for one of Dali’s less well known bodies of work, Sader Masoch et la Vénus aux Fourrures.

Note 3: The Beat Goes On. Here is a really COOL youtube version of the song with some hamming, up-staging, and scenery chewing:

Note 4: Chords and Lyrics. Here is a tabbed version of the song if you play guitar. If the C7 chords is too hard, either use a capo or use another chord like G7 which is pretty easy. I am not sure if the person who tabbed this is right on one of the notes, because where she or he has the third “1”, I think a “3” sounds better and is easier to play, too.

The Beat Goes On – Sonny and Cher (1972)
tabbed by

Main Bass riff line
^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^
|                   repeating                    |

The beat goes on… The beat goes on
Drums keep pounding ryhthym to the brain

La da da da di, La da da da da

Charleston was once the rage, uh-huh
History has turned a page, uh-huh
The mini skirts the current thing, uh-huh
Teeny bopper is our new born king, uh-huh

And the beat goes on… The beat goes on

The grocery store does supermart, uh-huh
Little girls still break their hearts, uh-huh
And men still keep on marching off to war
‘Lectrically they keep their baseball score

And the beat goes on… The beat goes on

Grandmas sit in chairs and reminisce
Boys keep chasing girls to get a kiss
And cars keep going faster all the time
Bums still cry “Hey buddy have you got a dime”


Squeeky Returns, or . . . Playing With Fire

Squeeky Lights Up Again

Well, I’m back. I took off a few weeks around Christmas, and when I looked up, here it was the end of January almost. Part of the reason for this is that I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas, and I have been reading stuff on the Internet on it, but it is not made for  typing Internet Articles.   Plus, I had been putting out a lot of Internet Articles, and my brain was a little burned out.

Sooo, I apologize. Blogging is something you have to stay at on a regular basis, and I should have known better than to try to slide through Christmas. Anyway, I am catching up on my reading and HOLY CRAP!!! a lot has happened. Expect new Internet Articles like crazy for the next few weeks.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

A Sonnet For Romantic Obotski – I Am Thy Fool

DOWN The Creek Without A Paddle Is A Bad Thing, Too

I Am Thy Fool
by Squeeky Fromm

How do I worship thy One-derfulness?
Shall I measure slobber by the barrel,
Or celebrate thy Blessed Birth in carol
Circulated free by the Main Stream Press?

Or shall I be discreet, and not confess
Nor speak of fascination so feral?
Hiding away Love’s risque’ apparel
As if it were but some blue stain-ed dress.

Yet, when every momentary stutter
Or pregnant pause is cause for happiness,
Must I draw the shades and close the shutter?

There, in Dark, lest thrill’d legs and lips a-drool
Proclaim, in involuntary mutter
For all the world to know. . . I am thy Fool.


Here is the background for this Sonnet. This is from Skookum at Flopping Aces, and you can find all the links to the original story there:

MEGHAN DAUM, a reporter for the LA Times, has once again tried to promote this lost and forgotten cause or at least has decided to give the dead jackass another sound thrashing, by creative use of weak metaphors. In the true wide eyed form of the typical Useful Idiot that caused Stalin the only laughter in his life that we know of, she explains Obama’s apparent speech impediment without a teleprompter as a true sign of genius. Have patience, the Times actually gives her column space for this lunacy.

Admittedly, the president is given to a lot of pauses, “uhs” and sputtering starts to his sentences. As polished as he often is before large crowds (where the adjective “soaring” is often applied to his speeches), his impromptu speaking frequently calls to mind a doctoral candidate delivering a wobbly dissertation defense.

But consider this: It’s not that Obama can’t speak clearly. It’s that he employs the intellectual stammer. Not to be confused with a stutter, which the president decidedly does not have, the intellectual stammer signals a brain that is moving so fast that the mouth can’t keep up. The stammer is commonly found among university professors, characters in Woody Allen movies and public thinkers of the sort that might appear on C-SPAN but not CNN. If you’re a member or a fan of that subset, chances are the president’s stammer doesn’t bother you; in fact, you might even love him for it (he sounds just like your grad school roommate, especially when he drank too much Scotch and attempted to expound on the Hegelian dialectic!).

So the president’s inability to speak fluently without a tele-prompter and sounding like a drunk, according to Ms Daum, is a direct result of intellectual stammering, not to be confused with the more common stuttering that afflicts many mere mortals. Woody Allen, the man who married his daughter, portrays this genius in comedic form and that should help those of us that aren’t sycophants believe the lie. Well done, Ms Daum, your lies are so preposterous that people may be hesitant to laugh at them.

Here is the link to this HILARIOUS and well-written Internet Article, which inspired my Sonnet for the Romantic Obotski—I Am Thy Fool.:

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter